In modern Pinoy love, girls can do the asking

Published February 12, 2013 3:10pm

A girl making the first move was once unheard of, but courtship has changed. Girls no longer have to wait around, especially if the object of their affection is torpe.

In Regine Regalado's case, she decided to define the relationship after she realized they were spending so much time together. "Napaisip ako. Lagi na kami magkasama, tapos hindi naman kami. Kaya nilakasan ko na lang din 'yung loob ko kasi gusto ko rin naman siya. Tinanong ko siya kung puwedeng maging kami. Tapos, umoo siya," shared Regalado in a report on 24 Oras.

Regalado said she may even be the one to ask her boyfriend to get married, if she feels they are both ready.

According to sociologist Clifford Sorita, some women are more likely to propose as they get older, and are pressured to start a family. "Ang babae kasi mayroon 'yang tinatawag na biological time clock. Kaya minsan kapag ang babae nasa level na na stable na siya, she really goes for it right away. Talagang she will really propose kaagad," Sorita said in the report.

Some Filipinos have no qualms about girls making the first move. "Kung okay naman doon sa lalaki, tapos willing din 'yung babae na mag-propose, eh 'di why not?" one man said in the report.

Similarly, one girl who was interviewed in the report said that courtship does not have to follow the usual patterns. "Parang, ibahin naman 'yung mainstream 'di ba? Bakit naman palaging 'yung lalaki 'yung nagpro-propose? Sa parehong paraan, bakit lalaki 'yung nanliligaw? Ganun din naman sa babae, puwede naman niyang gawin 'yun," she said.

However, Sorita said women who propose may be tolerated, but are not accepted in the Philippines.

"Bilang isang kamalayan, tolerable 'yun. Ibig sabihin, tayong mga Pilipino, sige lang, hinahayaan lang natin, okay lang. Pero kung sinasabi nating katanggap-tanggap ba, ang sagot, siyempre hindi. Sapagkat ang bansang Pilipinas ay isang bansa pa rin na naniniwala na ang babae ay may lebel ng paggalang," Sorita said.

Some women would still prefer to be asked, just as some men would also prefer to do the asking. "Gusto kong ma-experience 'yung parang fairy tale na events. So gusto ko, 'yung lalaki 'yung magpro-propose sa akin," one girl said in the report.

"Para sa akin, mas maganda pa rin kung 'yung lalaki 'yung magtatanong. Kasi nakasanayan na 'yun dito sa Pilipinas. Parang, malaking bagay talaga 'yun. Tsaka sa lalaki, mawawalan ng lakas ng loob para magtanong doon sa babae," a man said in the report.

In earlier times, a long courtship would lead to pamamanhikan, in which the man would prove himself worthy. "Mahirap din siyang proseso. Hindi siya tulad ng ngayon, 'Puwede bang mamanhikan?' Aakyat ka lang," Philippine Studies professor Michael Andrada said in last year's Valentine's episode of iJuander.

Andrada explained that before, when a man is allowed to step on the first rung of the ladder leading to the woman's house, this means he may serve the household and prove himself worthy. On an agreed date, their two families will meet. Often, the man's family would offer gifts. "Essentially, parang may kapalit 'yung babae. Kalabaw, lupa, basta kahit anong produkto o elemento na magiging kahalili ngayon nitong babae," Andrada said. If both families agree to the marriage, a date is set for the wedding.

Today's panliligaw is very different. It is not uncommon for relationships to begin with a text, grow with constant instant messaging, and become "Facebook official" with a change of relationship status from "single" to "in a relationship."

Paolo Binuya and Janine Fajardo became a couple after two weeks of texting.

"Parang modern na tayo ngayon, kaya, okay lang," said Fajardo, who agreed to become Binuya's girlfriend via text, while they were watching a basketball game on television. "Parang laro lang na sige, kapag nanalo ng game 'yung pinsan mo, sasagutin kita," Fajardo said.

Things have indeed changed, and we may wonder if Filipinos still practice panliligaw and pamamanhikan, or do we only hear about these traditions in stories of the past? —Carmela G. Lapeña/KG/HS, GMA News

Tags: love, relationships, courtship, pamanhikan, pamamanhikan