Louise delos Reyes opens up about her suicidal thoughts in the past
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Louise delos Reyes admits she had suicidal thoughts when she was younger.
At the press conference of her new movie titled Pasahero yesterday, September 13, the 32-year-old actress talked about her past mental health struggles as she reminded the attendees about Suicide Prevention Month.
During the press conference, the cast was asked whose ghost they would want to talk to and Louise chose the ghost of her past instead of her parents.
“Ayaw ko ring maging masyadong mabigat kung sasabihin ko yung parents ko,” she said.
Then, she continued, “Siguro yung ghost ng past self ko. Ikukuwento ko lang sa kanya kung ano yung mga pinagdaanan namin, napagtagumpayan namin together. Ang sasabihin ko sa kanya na, 'Huwag mong iisipin na mag-isa ka kasi you have your family, you chose your family and your friends.' Gusto ko lang din siyang yakapin kasi yung ghost ng past self ko, walang pagmamahal sa sarili niya.”
Louise said she never opened up about this episode in her life because “it's a taboo topic dito sa Pilipinas.”
Then, she related her experience to the entertainment media, “There was a time in my life when I thought… Kahit surrounded ako with friends… Nangyari ito habang may trabaho ako, surrounded with friends, at ngumingiti sa lahat ng fans. Nagkaroon ng inner struggle that I will not be enough, I am not good enough, I will never be enough.
“Lahat ng iniisip ko noong time na 'yon, 'How can I end this?' because I was in so much pain. To the point na yung sakit na yun naging sobrang stagnant, na yun na yung emotion ko. Hindi na ako nakakaramdam ng happiness. I don't feel fulfilled sa lahat ng ginagawa ko.
“And palagi kong iniisip, yung [worst] na naiisip ko nung time na 'yon, 'Ano kaya yung mga nasa isip ng mga taong nagsu-suicide. Ano kaya yung thought nila before jumping or cutting their writst or their neck?' because I want to learn it. I want to know that idea para lang matapos na yun.”
Despite this, Louise managed to fight these negative thoughts.
She said, “I'm so thankful that even thought I have those thoughts, parang meron pa ring glimmering tunnel na, 'Huy, dito ka kasi hindi lang ikaw lang ang nakakaramdam ng ganyan. Mayroong mga taong nagmamahal sa 'yo who genuinely loves you and cares for you. If naggi-give up ka na sa sarili mo, please, don't give up on them.'”
Until now, Louise does not consider herself completely healed.
She said, “It has been a long battle. Until now, nandun pa rin siya. But I think nasa better head space na ako ngayon, And with all the help and the knowledge around that particular topic, it's very uplifting also to know na may nagke-care.”
In a separate interview after the press conference, Louise mentioned that what happened in the past, including in her career, contributed a lot to her previous suicidal thoughts.
“Hindi rin naman ako magiging ipokrito para sa sabihin na hindi ako nasaktan sa mga past na nangyari sa akin. Siguro, sobrang bata ko rin noong time na yun kaya mayroon akong nagawa o nasabi sa mga decision.”
Nevertheless, she said, “I'm still thankful for that. Sobrang thankful ako sa mga struggle ko kasi kung ano ako ngayon, kung ano yung humaharap sa inyo ngayon, sobrang version 32 na ako ngayon. Gusto ko lang din kumonek sa mga tao na may same struggle sa akin.”
She also thanked her current boyfriend for being very supportive of her.
“Siguro, isa na ring magandang nangyari sa akin is my boyfriend, my partner. Kasi, siya yung isa sa naging anchor ko. Ako kasi, ang taas ng empathy ko, siya yung bumabalanse sa empathy ko na yun.”
For people who are in the same position as hers, Louise left this message:
“Alam ko, lahat tayo may inner demons. I just want you to know that hindi ka nag-iisa. Kailangan nating tapangan pa? Kung hindi enough yung tapang natin ngayon, try to convince yourself as I convince myself to be strong every day--for you, for your partner, for your family, even for your dogs. “
Difficulties in life are temporary. They are not permanent. If you or someone you know is experiencing a crisis and need someone to talk to please contact:
- National Center for Mental Health (NCMH) Crisis Hotline at 1553 (Luzon-wide landline toll-free), 0917-899-8727, (02) 7-989-8727
- Philippine Red Cross Hotline at 1158
- In-Touch Crisis Line at 8-893-7603, 0917-8001123 or 0922-8938944
Meanwhile, here are other celebrities who opened up about their mental health:
