FIRST PERSON

How tarot cards help reduce my anxiety, improve my well-being, and get to know myself better

Three years ago in 2017, I was having a persistent, unsettling feeling about my job. Back then, my friend Chinggay — who now runs Practical Magic — was giving tarot card readings in exchange for a cup of coffee. So I went to her to get my very first tarot card reading. I remember not knowing what type of questions to ask but leaving feeling calmer and lighter than when I came in.

Since then, I would get my cards read on a yearly basis, something I did around my birthday, to wrap up the previous year and to prepare me for the coming year. Always, I would find myself enlightened afterward. It almost feels like someone gets inside my head and rearranges my thoughts, so they finally make sense.

It was mind-blowing. The cards would explain all of these things happening inside my head! I don’t usually tell Chinggay my issues or what events have happened before a reading — we talk about them after — but for some reason, the cards would always be swak.

Tarot cards were originally used for playing games back in 15th century Europe. It was only in late 18th century, when people began to use them for divination or cartomancy (fortune telling by cards).

But tarotology, or tarot card reading, is more a practice of using tarot cards to gain insight by way of the images and symbolisms on the card. This is why, for me, tarot readers are not manghuhula. They cannot tell the future. At most, they can only help you make sense of what you’ve gone through in the past, what you’re going through in the present, and maybe help you figure out a strategy for the future.

From an annual habit, tarot readings became a monthly habit, where I would set monthly goal posts. I have a journal where I write down insights from readings, so I can look back at them whenever I feel things happening in the present that might be related to what happened in the past.

And then I got my first deck from, yes, Chinggay. By now, she’s already running Practical Magic and had on offer a Starter deck (P1800). It had helpful keywords on each card to explain what they meant and came with an easy-to-read guide that helped me get to know the cards better. It helped that visually, they were right up my alley. They’re based on the classic Rider-Waite deck, which is arguably the most popular tarot deck. 

I would pull for myself whenever I felt the same unsettling feeling, or when I feel I need guidance, and as I got deeper into my practice, I started picking up more decks. I have at present six decks, and pleasantly surprising is how they have their own “personalities.” I have a no-BS deck that tells me hard truths, I have a beautiful illustrated gilded deck that inspires with each pull. My most recent acquisition is the PM Pinoy deck, which gives a Filipino spin to the tarot.

To help guide me in interpreting my decks, I downloaded an app as a sort of kodigo. It would prompt me to pull every full and new moon, making pulling cards something I did more frequently now. From an annual ritual, it’s become a twice a month habit, and in August, it became a daily thing.

I find that reading for myself is an entirely different experience from having someone else pull cards for you. Although it’s always great to hear insights from someone other than yourself, reading for yourself can help you delve into issues deeper. There may be experiences you are not comfortable telling your reader but when you pull the cards yourself, everything is out in the open.

Sometimes, before you even pull a card, you already know the answer. It’s as if you were just looking for a confirmation or affirmation.

Other times, it really just doesn't make sense. It’s happened that I couldn’t relate to a pulled card, which I am beginning to understand as simply not being the right time to do it.

I’m not sure about the others but in my experience of pulling cards, what’s become so interesting is finding patterns and getting to know the cards in a different level.

Between 2017 and 2018 for instance, I would always get the Death Card — from pulling for myself and from Chinggay’s readings.

Of course, I was scared because, duh, death. But I learned that the Death card meant ending a cycle and starting a new one, and looking back now, it made sense that I kept pulling that card all throughout that season. I was going through so many changes between that year.

I stopped getting the death card in 2019, but earlier this year, one month into quarantine, I got it again. Ending and beginning cycles, right? Changes —exactly what I, like the rest of the world, has experienced throughout the lockdown and quarantine.

Prompts by Ethony on Instagram had me pulling cards every full moon and new moon and the guide questions were so helpful in giving readings a direction. Usually, I learned, there is a theme to each moon cycle and the questions touch on different aspects of your life. A lot of them call for some introspection: What old habits do I need to let go of? How can I bring more balance into my life? How can I improve my relationships?

In a way, tarot readings help me self-evaluate. Something I would not really do if not for my bi-monthly readings. And now, they have become a staple in my routine.

On Instagram, the #tarot hashtag alone has more than 8.8M posts, ranging from professional readers to casual readers. There are fun spreads like Where is Bae? Or a daily challenge using prompts in Filipino to celebrate Buwan ng Wika.

People post their spreads and their own interpretations of the cards online. There are no wrong or right answers here. Everyone reads the cards differently and that is what makes it even more magical.

While I respect those who assume tarot is evil and dangerous, for me, the cards are just another tool to get to know myself, and others. It’s true. The cards hold a lot of energy in them. But I think using them as a form of self-help and guidance brings forth more good than anything else. And if the cards help me form a clearer picture of myself, I would recommend them to anyone who is looking to do the same. — LA, GMA News