I button up my Calvin Klein shirt, grab my Louis Vuitton handbag, and put on my Gucci glasses before I head out the door for work. That was me some two years ago. Today I usually wear factory overruns and outfits bought on sale to match my laptop bag which, by the way, I got as a corprorate giveaway.
Motherhood: it has changed me in so many ways.
Before, I would buy DKNY pumps and Anne Klein stilettos in a heartbeat. P20,000 didn't seem too much for a pair of shoes. Once I bought 12 pairs of shoes in a day. I am not a dancer, but I got myself a pair of Stella McCartney dancing shoes just because.
Today, a pair of Parisian shoes from SM is all I can afford. Whenever I feel deprived, I would grab a pair from Payless. Not because I'm earning less, but I would rather save up for my daughter's future so that one day she too can slip her feet into Manolo Blahniks and Louboutins and step into a world of superlatives.
Luxury for me these days is a cup of Grande Dark Mocha Frapuccino at Starbucks, no more than once a year.
In a couple of years I transformed to who I am today. I shed the glam only to gain a couple of stone in weight, but I am proud of who I have become.
Some people are harsh, though, especially those who talk behind my back, sometimes to my face, about how much I have changed. I have piled on 40 pounds or more. I'm now a size 16 from a size 2—that makes me an XL from an XS before. I may look a lot different now, but deep inside I have kept a loving heart that truly cares for her child. Nothing can ever change that.
The next time you bump into me, in the office, out in the park or in the mall, please care not about how much I weigh. Rather, ask me about how my daughter is. I need not be reminded about how big I have become. Instead, show some respect for the mother that I am.
At night, when most of you have retired, perhaps lounging on the couch watching your favorite TV show or tinkering with your phone, I prepare my daughter's meals the next day, clean up the mess, wash her clothes, scrub the floor, the list goes on. When all is tidied up, I grab her favorite book and read to her until she falls asleep. When the lights are out, I do some more chores until my body can do no more.
I forgo my needs and wants so I can give only the best for my child.
I would often tell my daughter to buy mommy a new bag someday. Truth is, when the day comes that she can finally afford a Givenchy or Bottega Veneta, I’d let her have it. I just want to live long enough to see that day she would be able to provide for all of her heart's desires. Then I can finally rest.
Today, forgive me little one if I take the call when the office rings, and carry you in my arms later. It's not my life on the line but it's the future I am building for you.
In the next decade or so I might not even see my feet covered in Tory Burch and I will probably just keep on dreaming about those red stilettos from Prada I so badly want. The only LV I own is the first present your father gave me after we got married. I was so used to all these things before I had yo. Then I had you, and these things, they matter no more.
For all that you are and all that you'll be, I will always be thankful to have you as my daughter. I cannot thank the Lord enough for giving you to me.
Years from now, you will come across this. You might rush to buy me a new bag or that pair of shoes I’ve foregone for so long. You would offer to scrub the floor for me as I may have grown too weak by then. But please just stay by my side and give mommy a kiss, a hug like you always did as a child. Those things are all that I need today, tomorrow, and for all the days to come for as long as I live. — BM, GMA News