Pinay wives live out Korean telenovelas

For nearly a decade, more than six thousand Filipino women have lived out what are usually depicted in Korean romance telenovelas. It is life imitating art, according to the latest study on cross-border marriages between Koreans and other nationalities. In a survey done last September involving 443 spouses of Koreans of various nationalities, the 73 Filipina among the respondents said that “love" was the primary reason for acceding to marriage. Likewise, nine women participating in a workshop to help them in their marriage to Koreans conducted by a center run by Catholic nuns in Quezon City reflect the assertion in the survey. On a brown Manila paper, they wrote that Koreans work hard, budget their money, save, and are conscious of hygiene. They got these traits from watching Korean soaps on local televisions. But, a study by Hye Kyung-Lee of Pai Chai University says something different about the motives of Koreans for marrying foreign women. Hye’s study noted that “lower class" Korean men seek “more submissive, obedient, and traditional (foreign) wives to serve them and take care of their parents." These are the traits they often see in Filipino and Vietnamese women. When asked why they wanted to marry Filipino women, 91 Korean respondents ranked submissiveness and obedience to parents as primary reason. Since 1990, the Korean National Statistics Office recorded about 6,216 Filipino women married to Koreans. This means some 388 Filipino women get married to Koreans every year based on the 16-year record. Among Japanese, Vietnamese and natives of mainland China with Filipino wives, Koreans had the highest percentage of responses saying they married their foreign wives due to parental obedience. Hye’s Korean male respondents said that submissiveness, obedience, and traditionalist family practices of their Filipino and Vietnamese wives were “most important reasons" why they married them. Soaps The numbers, however, were silent about the differences in cultures and the kinds of compromises spouses had to make to sustain the relationship. The women interviewed by the OFW Journalism Consortium said they rely on “love" to know their spouses better. Commission on Filipinos Overseas director Minda Valencia, however, said that love couldn’t conquer all. [Filipinas’] entry into a society with a rich Confucian tradition –but allows online matchmaking– was seen as a burden for the Filipino woman. The women’s limited knowledge of Korean language and culture may cause some marital problems, Valencia said. For some Korean men, especially those belonging to a lower social status and who come from the provinces, their marriage to Filipinos may “renegotiate their social status," Valencia says. In some instances the husbands’ role as primary breadwinners “is considerably lowered" as a consequence of their marriage to Filipinas, Valencia said in a paper on Filipina marriages to Koreans. CFO registration records show that the average age of Filipino spouses is 28 and 35 for Koreans. More Filipino wives have completed college education compared to spouses. Valencia said that while Filipino women use tenacity and resolve to prove to Korean spouses they are no pushovers, they sometimes feel “they have to work doubly hard to have a successful marriage." This means not just additional responsibilities for the Filipino woman. Korean spouse and her in-laws “find hope" in the Filipino woman like Rita and Tricia (not real names). The two were among the nine women mentioned above who said they only learned Koreans expect submissive wives during a pre-departure orientation seminar given by the Center for Overseas Workers, an organization run by the Religious of the Good Shepherd. Suds But Rita, a 21-year-old factory worker from Nasugbu, Batangas, said she doesn’t mind if submissiveness relates to performing household jobs. "I won’t mind the duties at home," she added. Rita married her Korean spouse 10 days after the latter arrived on September 4, 2007, in fulfillment of the requirements of Philippine laws governing civil marriage. Tricia, 22, also shared the sentiments of Rita. Tricia married a 45-year-old Korean from Jeolabuk. She said she also accepts the role of taking care of the husband’s farming family. “I am not against helping his family for as long as my husband will help my family here." She hopes her husband would fulfill his promise to her family in Pampanga, even if Koreans don’t give their whole salaries to their wives. “You don’t have much of a choice but to hope," she said. Another potential marital problem, Valencia thinks, is that Korean husbands pressure the Filipina wives to prove “to be worth the money" spent in bringing their wives to Korea. This was what Elenita (not real name) was trying to prove to her widower-spouse, a 50-year-old police officer who has been living with her in Manila for months already. For Elenita, 31-year-old schoolteacher, her being a workaholic could be potential source of marital conflict. “I don’t want to stay at home the whole day," she said. But her husband insisted she should stay at home, as women in Korean were expected to do. She is trying to find a way to address the patriarchal hoju, or head-of-household system. If she insists that both husband and wife could do the cooking, her marriage might end the way some 300 Filipino women marriages in Korea ended – breakup. “God gave me this guy," she said, “and I can only pray this married life of mine will be forever."