Lyn Ching-Pascual: A new adventure

Funny,  I never thought of myself as a scaredy cat. There used to be a time when I would do anything and everything at least once, more if I liked it. And I didn't really put a limit on much. My goals used to be: get into diving, jump from a plane, rappel off a building, get out of Caloocan... You get the picture. But then something happened...I aged. Not that I think I am old, I'm only 38, thank you very much. But I aged in spirit. I started putting the words "I can't" and "it's impossible" before even starting anything new. I became afraid of failure, of embarassment, of the unknown. A big factor is that I am now a wife and a mother of two. My family, especially my young children, are always at the back of my mind. Though I'm sure my kids will never lack of people who will love and take care of them, I want to live long to be able to do so myself. I want to be an active participant in the formation of individuals that they would become. Then there's my husband. Till death do us part is our vow and I do not want to do anything that will hasten the fulfillment of that vow.    Fear of failure. I don't want to fail in anything. Who does? When I was younger, my mantra was "go forth, go fast, go further." That's why in high school, even though I didn't think I was pretty enough and knowing absolutely nothing about commercial modeling, I searched through the yellow pages for a talent agency, volunteered myself and eventually got casted... usually as support or extra. Nothing great. But for someone who grew up in a conservative Chinese environment which frowned upon (at that time) anything too public, it was a huge leap. And in college, while finishing my thesis, I took a chance in applying to GMA as a News Live Anchor, not knowing if there was a vacant spot, not knowing anything about current events. I lucked out and got the job at the age of 20. I was fearless, jumping head-on into anything that could get me out of my life then. Why the change? I suppose, with my present life, a comfortable life I have built with my husband, I have become complacent. Sometimes I let good opportunities pass by because I fear I no longer have the ability to do what I used to be good at. I do not challenge myself as much. Life is what it is and I am happy. But where is my adventure? A few days ago I was caught in a major traffic jam in the city of Manila. I was already late for a hosting job by Ongpin Street. And though I left my home early, two hours of travel time clearly wasn't enough when there were Chinese New Year celebrations all over Chinatown. It took me ten minutes to decide if I should run or do the most logical yet illogical thing... I chose the latter. I flagged down a passing motorcycle and asked the driver if I could hitch. So in my blood red Chinese dress, gold four-inch heels, face full of make up, I got on the back of a stranger's motorcylce who laughingly dropped me off near the circle. I ran at full speed across it, was almost hit by a rushing jeepney, ran again, rode a pedicab and finally got to my destination.   During the ride itself I was mortified and nervous as hell. But after the fact, I realized that I was actually ecstatic... and proud. Happy that I got to my job with seconds to spare, yes, but ecstatic that I did something crazy and survived. I finally had a New Adventure. Something that people probably wouldn't expect me to ever do. Something I thought I wouldn't do but did. It's such a relief knowing now that I can still do something so crazy if my job entails me to, that I can still be adventurous after all, that I could conquer my fear. Fear is good, but freedom from fear, even for just awhile, is so much better. I cannot be as I used to be. Again age does have a say in what I can and cannot do. But maybe, just maybe, I can rethink  my limits... and perhaps reconsider jumping off a plane, rappelling off a building, dancing in a crowded street, acting in a crappy play, etc. etc. Life is what we make it, correct? Perhaps it's time for another adventure. How about you.....What do you fear? Special thanks to Mang Jojo, the man who let me ride to my destination and new realization. Sad to say, in my then state of mind, I have forgotten his surname. But do know I will never forget what you did. Thank you!