Rachelle Ann Go
No Longer On Her Own
Rachelle Ann Go looks back at how she spent much of her younger years chasing too many dreams. And now that she’s at the height of her international career, she has realized that she didn’t have to reach for the biggest dream. She only needed to find and embrace the right one.
Text by Cherry Sun
Photos by Cornerstone Entertainment, Michael Paunlagui, and Rachelle Ann Go (IG)
After a long list of accolades abroad and about half a decade spent away from the Philippines, it is only but fitting to give Rachelle Ann Go a warm welcome.
Rachelle has made a bigger name for herself and for the country after her laudable stint in the theater scene here and abroad. The returning Kapuso actress deserves the praises for breathing life into Gigi Van Tranh in Miss Saigon, Fantine in Les Miserables, and Eliza Hamilton in Hamilton.
She sees a long rest in between runs of the musicals, and she decides to return to the Philippines. But the International Theater Diva and the Broadway and West End star isn’t simply back for a vacation. She’s marking her return with her ‘The Homecoming’ concert happening at the Marriott Grand Ballroom in Resorts World Manila on February 14, 2020.
She misses a lot about home – her family and friends, the Pinoy food, and the Filipino audience. Yet she still opts to spend a day with members of the entertainment press.
After hours dedicated for the media conference of her concert, and before rehearsing for her comeback TV performance on the Kapuso network, the 33-year-old singer sits down with GMANetwork.com for an exclusive interview.
“’Di ba, uso ’yung mga autograph, ganyan? Merong question na ‘What’s your dream when you grow up?’ Ako, lagi ko sagot, ‘I want to be a famous singer. I want to be a professional singer.’”
In search of her vision
Rachelle grew up in a musically-inclined family.
She animatedly recalls, “Alam mo ba ’yung sa school ’di ba, uso ’yung mga autograph, ganyan? Merong question na ‘What’s your dream when you grow up?’ Ako, lagi ko sagot, ‘I want to be a famous singer. I want to be a professional singer.’ Ganun palagi. So bata palang talaga, gusto ko na magkaroon ng album. Gusto ko nang umikot, magkaroon ng concerts everywhere.”
Her desire to be a musical artist was so strong she didn’t just chase it in barangay singing competitions, she was also having visions of greatness in her sleep.
“At napapanaginipan ko siya. Naalala ko na siguro mga grade 5, grade 4, nananaginip ako na meron akong parang concert daw. Tapos ’yung mga tao merong mga flashlight, ganun.
“I would always dream about that, that moment at nangyari siya. Nangyari siya nung nanalo ako sa GMA Search for A Star. It happened. That’s why paglabas ko sa stage, nakita ko ’yung ganung scene sa panaginip ko, hindi ako makakanta. Parang, ‘Oh my gosh, ito ’yung panaginip ko and now it’s a reality.”
Rachelle had to fight for that dream. Growing up, she was bullied for her looks. But she soon realized that her raw talent was much bigger than her detractors.
“Sabi ko kahit ano pala sabihin ng tao na negative sa akin, kahit ibaba ako, sabi ko kaya ko pa rin pala talaga manalo,” she recalls.
“So simula noon, ’yun ’yung first [barangay] competition [ko], hindi ako tumigil. Kahit matalo ako, sabi ko it’s okay. It’s okay kasi darating ’yung time na mananalo at mananalo ako kasi na-experience ko nga ’yun. So bata palang ako malalim na ’yung pinanghuhugutan ko kaya siguro rin ganun ’yung growth din.”
Rachelle worked hard to build an impressive resume after her win. She bagged TV projects, she released albums, and she headlined concerts. And through those she earned more credit and recognition.
While her showbiz career was prospering, she was still clueless about the world of theater.
She sheepishly admits, “To be honest, hindi ko po alam. Sabi ko, ano nga po ba ang Miss Saigon? Kasi hindi nga ako lumaki na teatro. Wala akong alam, wala akong background.”
Her uncle brought her to watch the critically acclaimed musical in Canada, stressing that it’s the same musical that kickstarted Lea Salonga’s career in the international theater circuit.
“For some reason, iyak ako nang iyak. Sabi ko, ‘Ang ganda pala ng teatro. Ang ganda, ang galing.’ Sabi ko, ‘One day.’ Nakita ko ’yung sarili ko, sobrang weird, nakita ko ’yung sarili ko doing the show. So that point, sabi ko ‘I’m gonna do this show,’” she articulates yet another dream.
But just like any person trying to find her place in this world, Rachelle had to grapple with certain insecurities.
She confesses, “Natatakot ako ma-reject. ‘Nakakahiya kung hindi ako matanggap,’ ’yung ganyan dahil nai-insecure nga ako. And then ’yun, si Miss Lea Salonga, she messaged me, asking me if I’m auditioning. Sabi ko, ‘I don’t know. I’m not sure about it because I’m scared,’ and then she said, ‘You have to do it. Wala namang mawawala kung i-try mo.’ So, I did.”
“Ang ganda pala ng teatro. Ang ganda, ang galing.’ Sabi ko, ‘One day.’ Nakita ko ’yung sarili ko, sobrang weird, nakita ko ’yung sarili ko doing the show. So that point, sabi ko I’m gonna do this show.”
Leaving for her dream
Rachelle had to wait for almost a year after her Miss Saigon auditions.
That prolonged response from the people behind Miss Saigon caused her to think that she didn’t pass the auditions.
The Kapuso singer eventually received word from the producers. She didn’t get the lead role of Kim which she wanted. Instead she was offered to play the character of Gigi Van Tranh, a hard-bitten stripper.
Her conservative upbringing held her back from seizing the opportunity right away.
She contemplates about portraying a prostitute, “For an hour, nakatulala lang ako in front of my laptop kasi sabi ko, ‘Eto ba ’yun, ang aking pinapangarap?’”
She then acknowledged it might be the answer to her prayers. After all, she was asking for something new, a challenge in her then decade-long career as a singer.
When Rachelle decided to take the offer, she was more than prepared to leave her life in Manila, even if it meant being forgotten by the Filipino audience.
She says, “Hanggang sa dumating ’yung araw na merong peace akong naramdaman na I have to do it. I have to take the risk, na yes it’s gonna be hard to be away from the family, I’m so used to having my mom around, you know, my family around me. Pero ramdam ko talaga na kailangan ko umalis.”
“I remember all those times I was dancing on top of the jukebox, at nagpe-pray ako. Sabi ko, ‘Lord, ito ba? Ito ba ang calling ko?’”
To say that a career in Broadway and West End looked glamorous is to see the world through rose-colored glasses.
She concedes, “I guess it’s hard to really take that out of the picture if you grew up hearing people telling you you’re not good enough or you’re ugly, like all the negative stuff. So naging part ng sistema ko ’yun talaga. And even if I know that it’s not right, ang hirap burahin.
“So ’yun nga, nung second show ng Les Miserables, I was really messing up and nasabi ko, ‘Siguro nga talaga hindi para sa akin ’to. Siguro talaga I’m not good enough, I’m not enough. Lahat ng doubts talaga bumabalik even if you know it’s wrong.”
Rachelle was not accustomed to living alone, away from the comforts of home and familiarity. Her first year was tough; she admitted she was close to defaulting on her contract.
She confesses, “I remember all those times I was dancing on top of the jukebox, at nagpe-pray ako. Sabi ko, ‘Lord, ito ba? Ito ba ang calling ko?’ Alam mo talagang after that, so inendure ko ’yan one year. I was crying almost every night.
“I was just scanning through old photos of my family. It was really hard to be away especially when you’re ill, walang nag-aalaga. Pero nalagpasan ko ’yan, talaga it was just me and God na nandoon sa London. “
Looking back, Rachelle now can make fun of herself, especially when reminiscing about the times she struggled even with the most mundane of tasks.
The actress recounts, “Nasa grocery ako, ‘Papano ba maggisa? Ano ang mga sahog para maggisa?’ It was so funny ’pag binabalikan ko kasi little things I didn’t know. I didn’t know where to start… Para akong baby noong lumipat ako doon but I didn’t have any choice but to learn.
“Doon talaga ako nag-grow. So ’yun natuto ako magluto, how to do my own laundry. Sabi ko, ‘Paano ba itong washing machine?’ It’s so funny, and then now I can just look back and tawanan ko na lang ’yung baby Shin, baby Rachelle Ann ’di ba?”
Finding her way home
“I felt at peace, I felt at home. Ganoon pala ’yun, ’yung parang, ‘Ay, siya na.’ Ang bait na napaka-gentleman, tapos I felt safe around him. So doon, doon nag-start ’yun, at saka kasi godly eh. Alam ko, sabi ko, ‘I’m gonna choose this man. I will choose to marry him.’”
Rachelle couldn’t stop expressing her gratitude for the things that life gave her. Aside from her personal growth that came out of the struggles, she is most thankful that she met Martin Spies while pursuing her passion.
It happened in 2016, when Rachelle moved to New York to reprise her role in Miss Saigon. And while at church on her first Sunday in the new city, she met her future husband.
Their romance bloomed naturally and on the same year they met, Rachelle and Martin got engaged.
She expresses her delight, “The first time he was asking questions, I felt at peace, I felt at home. Ganoon pala ’yun, ’yung parang, ‘Ay, siya na.’ Ang bait na napaka-gentleman, tapos I felt safe around him. So doon, doon nag-start ’yun, at saka kasi godly eh.
“Alam ko, sabi ko, ‘I’m gonna choose this man. I will choose to marry him.’ Parang first few dates pa lang parang alam ko na.”
The couple worked out their long distance relationship before tying the knot in April 2018.
“I feel like kung nasaan ako dapat nandoon ’yung asawa eh. It’s different eh. Kaya feeling ko talaga ’yung priorities ’tsaka ’yung dreams nagbabago. Gusto ko lagi kasama ko sa pangarap ’yung asawa.”
Rachelle continued to live overseas but she was no longer lonely this time. It was fortunate that Martin’s company assigned him in London, a development that greatly favored the blooming relationship of the two.
“You’re not living alone. You have someone living with you, your partner. So you cannot be selfish. So ako, aminado ako na parang you know I want things my way. I want it to happen, I want to do it. But because I have someone with me, I always have to consult him, anong feelings niya about this decision. So ’yun ang changes doon.
“And sa bahay din, we have to adjust kasi first time namin na to live with someone ’di ba? So both of us, we had to adjust talaga,” she says, giving us a glimpse of their married life.
“Alam mo before getting married, it’s so important for the people, the couple to really talk about ’yung house chores. Who’s gonna take out the trash? Who’s gonna do the dishes? It’s so important,” she emphasizes as well.
Rachelle and Martin have settled in their own home just in time to welcome the new year. The young dreamer who used to worry about getting separated from her family is now ready to nestle in a faraway home.
She admits the way she views things has now changed. Despite her husband’s unfaltering encouragement for her dreams, she knows that there are dreams she is now ready to let go.
She contemplates, “Hindi ko alam kung dahil tumatanda na ba ako or nagbabago priorities ko. I feel like ’yun, mas nagbabago ’yun. Hindi na ako ’yung dati I feel like I just want to do short shows, like do a few songs and share my story with people. Hindi ’yung papagurin ’yung sarili. Nagbabago talaga ’yung priorities.
“Parang I feel like kung nasaan ako dapat nandoon ’yung asawa eh. It’s different eh. Kaya feeling ko talaga ’yung priorities ’tsaka ’yung dreams nagbabago. Gusto ko lagi kasama ko sa pangarap ’yung asawa ko.”
Five years from now, Rachelle hopes to raise kids with Martin while still pursuing the things she loves to do. However, she also surrenders, saying, “I really can’t plan my own ano eh, my own life. Kasi nasubukan ko na magplano pero ’yung ibibigay ni Lord mas malaki.”
Happiness, indeed, comes from contentment. It took her to the other side of the world to find her way home.
“It’s not about the place, ’cause before I always want to go home to my family. No, wherever God puts you, it’s home as long as God is with you.
“As long as you’re at peace, then that’s home.”
“Wherever God puts you, it’s home as long as God is with you. As long as you’re at peace, then that’s home.”
