EXCLUSIVE: How Aiko Melendez makes single parenting work
Aiko Melendez admits she is not the perfect mom but she does her best to make parenting single-handedly work.
In an exclusive interview with GMANetwork.com, Aiko reveals the ways she deals with challenges as she raises Andre Yllana and Marthena Jickain as both their mom and dad.
The Kapuso actress looks back, “At first when I got separated, it was so hard not only on Christmas days, lalo na 'pag may Family Days sa school, when you're being required to be with your partner. Siyempre ang hirap nun 'di ba, na you see somebody whose family is complete tapos kami ako lang, kumbaga mom and dad ako. Mahirap.
“But ngayon, nagiging strong ka when you have no choice but to be strong. So ako sasabihin ko 'yung hurt and 'yung pain nand'yan pa rin pero siyempre wala akong choice [but] not to show my kids na nalulungkot ako and I tell my kids, 'We may not be complete as a family but you know, my love for you is immeasurable.' Hindi ko naman tinatanggalan ng mga papel 'yung dads nila sa buhay nila pero I can say I am 101% there for them.”
What helps Aiko in single parenting is how unyielding she is in the ways she wants to rear her children.
Family time is sacred
For Aiko, Sundays are non-negotiable when it comes to spending time with family.
She emphasizes, “It's my golden rule. Even with my son, I tell him na you may have your own lakad, gimiks but your Sundays are mine. Kasi in the same way with my work, I tell them that, bilang na bilang ko sa daliri ko na napapayag ako na mag-work on a Sunday. Kasi 'yun talaga ang family time ko.
“Kasi I don't want my kids growing up and telling me 'Where were you?' 'You missed our birthday.' 'You missed that.' I don't want that time to come na parang 'Nasaan ako?' 'Di ba, parang wala. Ngayon I can safely say na I may not be perfect but I can say I'm always there when they need me to.
Keeping communication lines open
Aiko admits to checking on Andre's phone when he was younger but she has now become more trusting now that she has a 21-year old son. While she is less strict towards him, she still remains watchful over Marthena. She avoids making her children feel they are grabbed by the throat by making sure their communications are clear and open.
She says, “I remind her that there are sites na hindi niya pwedeng bisitahin. I make it a point na, 'Hey, ano 'yung ginagawa mo sa cellphone mo? 'Yung activity mo?' Sa babae kasi mas istrikto ako now, kay Marthena kasi she's only 13 while si Andre mas lenient na ako pero when I tell him you have to be home by 3, he has to be home by 3.”
Not keeping her children away from their fathers
This may not work for other single parents, but Aiko's personal experience has proven her that it is better for her kids to still get the chance to spend time with their dads.
She explains, “Ako ang number one rule ko talaga, never hinder your children to see their fathers or their mothers kung kabaligtaran man 'yung sitwasyon nila na kunwari single dad sila. 'Wag nilang papabayaan na may ma-miss out 'yung parent na 'yun sa buhay nila. Kasi one way or another, kahit sabihin mong walang epekto sa bata, meron at meron eh.
EXCLUSIVE: Aiko Melendez reveals advice to son Andre amidst controversy involving Jomari Yllana
“Kasi I came from a broken family. Noong una sabi ko wala namang epekto eh. As I grow up, meron eh. So it's the constant reminder to your kids na, 'Hey, hindi man tayo buo, but you know you can be complete as a person, as an individual. How? By being good to the community, by being a good student, by being a good daughter or a good son. So that's what I always tell them.”
Single parenting is a big role to fulfill and there is no perfect script in doing it. No matter what parenting style you prefer, make sure that you let love prevail!