My ex was in town and I needed a distraction

[Ed's note: #TinderTales is a new weekly column that attempts to look at online dating. Have a story to share? Email us at gmanews.tindertales@gmail.com]

I’m a thirty-something Filipina, I’m on Tinder, and I know what you’re thinking.

When I signed up for Tinder two years ago, I thought that too.

I was a little embarrassed to admit that I had resorted to an online dating app just to go on dates in Manila. It seemed desperate and sleazy, like the only objective was to scratch that itch and get laid!

But my American ex was in town with his new girlfriend and I needed a distraction.

I didn’t want to start dating Filipino men again because, no offense to our malalambig, maasikaso, and nakakagigil Pinoys, but around them, it felt like I could only speak and act a certain way.

When I dated Filipinos, I resorted to playing mind games and waiting for them to make the first move. I loved my Filipino boyfriend dearly but I didn’t want to wait for him to get things done.

Relationships are a two-way street and it boggled me as to why I had to sit back and leave the driving to men, so to speak. I am Filipina, after all.

I’d gone out with foreigners before, I even have an American ex already; so I thought, why not try going out with them again?

Maybe Tinder can help me in that aspect. Maybe it can even help me find the love of my life, if there is such a thing.

I thought of Tinder  as another way of getting to know myself. “Bahala na! Better than being stagnant,” I thought. 

Mathieu was my first Tinder date, a French man in Manila for business. I had been on the app for two weeks already and had matched with several others before him, but I didn’t really entertain any messages.

But that afternoon, I needed to get my mind off that ex!

There were three photos on Mathieu’s profile: one in a suit on a yacht (can afford dinner, check), another on a hammock with his body stretched out (looks tall, check) and the third was Albert Einstein on a brick wall holding a placard that said, “Love is the answer” (looks like a sensitive guy, check).

I swiped right.

Within five minutes, he messaged: “Hello Angel, how are you today?”

I responded with a “Hi! Nice line :) I’m waiting for 6pm before I can split from the office. You?” It was 5pm.

He said he had one last meeting and then he would like to have a drink and a nice dinner.

And because I was unhinged at the time, I said “Well you’re 3km away from me. Maybe I could join you one time.”

“Why don’t you join me for a drink at Peninsula” was the reply.

I hesitated taking the invitation for security reasons. What if he was a psychopath? “Don’t be ridiculous,” said my seatmate. “He can’t do anything you don’t want to do in a public place.”

Going on the date was the adrenaline rush I needed. It was the perfect location, too, since my ex was billeted at the Pen. What a thrill it would be if my ex saw me on a date at the lobby! I wanted to see my ex and nobody else. As far as I was concerned, Tinder was a secret indulgence.

At 7pm, I arrived ready for some whisky. I was in a black below-the-knee long-sleeved dress, a long gold chain necklace, and 4-inch heels. I was really hoping he would be taller than 5’9”-me.

He was much taller, thank God, and well-dressed in a navy blue suit. He was handsome, sporting a full brown beard and an overworked demeanor.

I thought he looked chubbier than his photos but he was cute and his eyes looked kind.

I sipped two shots of whiskey with Mathieu, while looking around the hotel lobby more than I should have.

He called my attention by leaning forward, touching my thighs, and telling me he loved my legs—in a thick French accent.

I smiled, thanked him, giggled nervously as I took another sip.

“OMG he thinks I’m here to have sex with him!” I thought.

All I wanted was a drink at the lobby and maybe for my ex to see me on a date!

We ended up having dinner at Escolta. The conversation was light and easygoing. We talked about the places he had been to in Manila, where we were born and raised, what he had built in his career (he was a mall contractor based in Hong Kong) and his frustration with getting permits from the Philippine government.

He was a little shy and kept answering messages from his phone. He showed me a photo of his 3-year old blond daughter, told me he used to be married, and that the nanny of his daughter is Filipina.

At one point, while he was on his phone, I took a stolen pic of him from across the table and sent it to my girlfriends. They all thought he was cute and wanted a clearer photo. I didn't try again because it would be too obvious.

When he asked for the check at dinner I mustered the courage to tell him he was my first Tinder date and that I wasn’t there to go to bed with him.

He said that he’d been using Tinder for a few months already and it is what we want it to be for us and not to worry about it. He also said that he would like to stay in touch and see me again the next time he’s in Manila. He asked for my number. I gave it.

He was tired and, as a last ditch effort to get me in his bedroom, ordered a massage in his room and invited me to join him. I politely declined, saying it would be an hour-long drive home. I needed to get going.

From the restaurant, we walked to the elevators and he put his hand on the small of my back at some point. I looked at our reflection in the glass windows and thought we made a pretty pair.

As the elevator door opened, we did the European cheek-to-cheek kiss and he held my waist. He pulled me so close that my gold necklace got caught in the buttons of his suit. Both embarrassed, we laughed.

Then he said, “you don’t want to come up with me but your clothes already do!” I couldn’t look him in the eye. I knew I lost an opportunity to at least kiss him but I knew my heart wasn’t in the right place. 

Before I even got to my car, Mathieu sent me a message thanking me for the evening. What a sweetheart.

I thought Mathieu was the perfect first tinder date. I was wined and I was dined and I felt safe. I sent him a message two weeks later asking how he was and got a cold “fine” as a reply.

I guess he didn’t really mean what he said about wanting to stay in touch. He was probably hoping for some action that night. At least he was a gent and I felt like a lady.

Instead of analyzing what I might have done wrong, I turned on my app and started swiping again. Live and learn, as they say! — LA, GMA News