What is gaslighting?
Gaslighting might be a word or term that many have never heard of before, but surely it's not something new.
It has long been one of the relationship problems many people fall victim to, unknowingly.
It is a form of manipulation that is done to someone by their partner or a person whom they have a close relationship with, which in turn causes them to question the validity of their thoughts, feelings, and their reality.
So, how exactly does gaslighting happen?
Life coach Aiza Tabayoyong explained gaslighting in detail in the Mars Sharing Group segment of Mars Pa More.
Camille Prats, Iya Villania, Arny Ross and life coach Aiza Tabayoyong / Source: Mars Pa More
“It comes from the old idea that when you are using a gas burner for light and then someone is trying to dim that [light].
“Parang dinidiliman ka niya. Parang nalilito ka kung alin 'yung reality, alin 'yung delusion mo, alin 'yung nasa imagination mo lang, and so they're calling it now as gaslighting.
“So 'yan, nangyayari rin 'yan sa relationships.”
She warned that it could be difficult to recognize that you're already being gaslighted, especially when you are madly in love with your manipulator.
So, she enumerated the signs to look out for:
1. Inconsistencies in his/her statements
A gaslighter often has inconsistent stories or statements. So, take note of these inconsistencies and lies.
2. He/she shuts you down when you open up about your feelings.
A gaslighter doesn't offer you the emotional support you need. As Ms. Aiza said, “Parang everytime mag-open up ka ng feelings mo sa kanya or humingi ka ng emotional talk, nakakapagod. Walang nararating, walang na-re-resolve. Hindi ka na-a-appease.”
3. He/she woos you to make up for making you feel down.
“Nag-mi-make-up ng love in some other way. Pero 'pag nagsabi ka na ng something na nararamdaman mo, shut down ka na, o 'di kaya na-bi-blame ka na na medyo 'yun na nga, you're going crazy.”
4. When you become hysterical, he/she becomes historical.
“'Pag hysterical ka na, siya naman nagiging historical. Binabalik 'yung mga kasalanan mo in the past, o kaya 'yung mga slip of the memory,” Ms. Aiza explained. “Sisisihin 'yung memory mo, sisisihin 'yung makaraan mo. 'Eh kasi ikaw dati ganyan-ganyan ka. So it becomes tuloy 'oo nga,' lalong lumalaki 'yung pagdududa mo sa sarili mo pati 'yung pagdudua sa nararamdaman mo.”
If you are experiencing these, then you are being gaslighted. Here's what you can do to prevent or stop this from happening:
1. Be aware of your emotions.
Nobody can tell you that what you're feeling is not true.
2. Don't be reactive.
Pause and breathe and determine what triggered your emotions.
3. Identify what is a fact and what's an assumption.
Is it a fact (ex. He didn't call you all day) or just suspicion (ex. You think he's cheating on you)?
4. Build your self-compassion and self-worth.
“Believe that you deserve to be loved and that you deserve honesty, faithfulness, loyalty, and all that.
“Kasi hindi lahat ng tao ganun, lalo na kung lumaki sila in an environment where loyalty and faithfulness ay hindi naman talaga uso.
“Nakikita nila sa mga magulang nil ana 'Eh si tatay din naman maaming babae eh, pero okay naman siguro 'yon. Siguro 'yun na nga 'yung pagmamahal.”
Watch the full discussion and the reflections of hosts Iya Villania and Camille Prats and celebrity guests Mikoy Morales and Arny Ross in the Mars Pa More video above.
If the video above is not loading properly, you may watch it HERE instead.
For more meaningful discussions like this, tune in to Mars Pa More from Monday to Friday, at 8:45 a.m. on GMA-7.
Viewers abroad can also watch Mars Pa More via GMA's flagship international channel, GMA Pinoy TV. For the program guide, visit www.gmapinoytv.com.
And for more lifestyle content, head out to GMA's Lifestyle page.
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