Finding financial freedom: Expert tips and advice to single women, solo parents, wives and mothers

Christine* thought she knew what success looked like. After college graduation, she said yes when her suitor asked her to be his girlfriend. She quickly landed a stable job in corporate, pursued freelance work after a few years, then accepted her boyfriend’s proposal. They got married, then had a child soon after.

The two agreed that he would be the main breadwinner, while she would stay home, doing the housework and taking care of their baby. Hers had been a delicate pregnancy, so she had to forego making her own money for a safe delivery. Her husband had promised to take care of their family, anyway. Christine felt cherished and secure, grateful and in awe of how he was able to endure hardships at work to be able to provide for them.

Her husband managed the funds, with Christine believing he could do a better job at it than her. She also reasoned that he was the one who earned the money anyway, so it was his to own and allocate. 

“Who am I to manage that money?” she thought to herself.

He did the groceries himself, asking her if she needed anything from the store. If he was checking out online, he asked her if she wanted to add anything to his cart. When they went out with their friends, he paid for the two of them. 

“I didn’t feel deprived because he provided for me. At the same time I was so conditioned that I felt like nothing was wrong about it,” Christine recalls.

The expenses mounted, and they decided to open a business, with Christine overseeing the operations. It was the pandemic, and not only had they taken out a loan to fund it, but they had to build a customer base at a time when everyone was forced to stay home. 

The business was barely profitable; they were paying for rent, manpower, and the loans they took out. Their finances were bleeding. Meanwhile, Christine’s husband began seeing another woman. 

He refused marriage counseling. “‘Til death do us part” turned out to be empty words.

It was a messy separation. Their child was about to start school, and because Christine had kept custody of the child, she had to spend not just for food and clothing, but the tuition, too. Her husband refused to contribute a single peso if the child wasn’t going to live with him. 

He lashed out, accusing Christine of not contributing financially and being a burden to him.

“I was so guilty. I thought that if I had just worked hard enough, if I had just contributed financially, things wouldn’t reach that state. I had a lot of self-blame,” she says.

It took years, and returning to her parents’ home and loving care, for her to rid herself of those notions. 

“They tell me, ‘How can you think that you had no contribution? How would your husband succeed at work if you weren’t taking care of things at home? If you weren’t taking care of your child?’ It took a lot of work from my family to help me unlearn things. It took a long time for me to convince myself that, yes, that was my contribution,” Christine says.

She found work again, and with her family being there to take care of her child, she was able to begin the process of rebuilding her life—and ensuring that her young child had a good one to look forward to.

Unpaid labor at home? Ask for compensation

Jem Coquia, a financial consultant with one of the top insurance companies in the Philippines, has seen this power dynamic at play with most of the couples she advises. More often than not, it is still the husband making the decisions.

Her advice for married women is radical, she admits: Ask for payment.

"Society cannot keep expecting women to provide so much sacrifice and unpaid labor," she said. "It should start with the household, with the family. The easiest and fastest way that one can value women is by giving them power and control when it comes to finances. They should have their own money even if the entire household income comes from the husband. He should value her more by giving her a significant portion of the money."

In Christine's previous situation, where the wife stayed at home and the husband was the main breadwinner, Coquia recommends that income be divided into three. The first portion is allocated for the household expenses and savings for the child’s future. The second and third portion are allocated for the wife and husband’s savings, respectively.

Coquia reasons that parenting and managing the household are a 24/7 job, and is equivalent to the work of at least three people. The wife’s career is also put on hold, preventing her professional development. 

She adds that pregnancy inflicts major damage on a woman’s body, and there is no compensating for that. 

“And worst case scenario, if something happens, what do you do? If the guy cheats and then the woman is left with the children, what happens? There are no savings, so should she just break down and cry? Things can’t be that way. It’s very irresponsible,” Coquia says.

A path to financial independence

Taking care of one’s finances doesn’t begin when one enters marriage, Coquia says. It starts as soon as a man or a woman has his or her own income. 

Here’s her financial advice, which can be considered in stages:

1. Track your income and expenses. How much is going in and out? Do you have debt? Knowing where you are is your starting point.
2. Save for an emergency fund. That's is three to six months’ worth of your income or expenses. Place them in digital banks, as they offer around 3% per annum, as compared to traditional banks which offer only 0.06% annual interest.
3. Get an HMO (health insurance) for unexpected health emergencies. Then get life insurance for yourself. If you foresee that you will be shouldering your family’s expenses in the future, make sure they are covered as well. Or if it’s for your parents, talk to your siblings about it. The more coverage, the better. Aim for at least P1,000,000 in accident, disability, and critical illness coverage as a starting point. If your budget permits it, grow it to the ideal amount of P5,000,000. Why such a huge amount? Ask yourself: How much do medical bills cost nowadays? How much emergency money do you want to have in the future if an illness, disability, or accident happens?
4. Educate yourself about personal finance while you only have your own income to manage. This will help you make sound decisions.

For those about to enter marriage, Coquia says the couple must be aware of each other’s starting point. Will one have to shoulder more of the financial responsibilities? Are there any expensive hobbies the other isn’t aware of? The couple must be transparent with each other and able to communicate about personal finance. 

Once married, she suggests that if both spouses are working, bills be shared in proportion to one’s income. “Consider it a bonus if someone wants to give more.”

Both partners need to have their own money and their own bank accounts aside from their joint accounts for household expenses.

With continued awareness and communication about their financial state, they will be able to manage worst case scenarios.

Coquia also suggests doing annual financial reviews, and warns: "If you cannot afford children, don’t have children.”

Based on her calculations, it takes an average P50,000 to 70,000 monthly to raise one child in the Philippines today. The amount includes living costs, medical costs, tuition fees, and takes into account at least 5% yearly average inflation.

Housewives with older children and more free time can look for ways to earn their own income again. They can start with part-time or freelance work. They can also upgrade their skills, or start a small business.

Financial advice for solo parents

Christine’s story is not unusual. For Coquia, there is a way for single mothers like her to achieve financial independence once more, or even for the first time in their lives.

First, she must know her cashflow. What are her income and expenses?

Building an emergency fund is more important now than ever. She should also get life insurance for herself as her child depends on her as the sole breadwinner. This allows a big amount of money to immediately be accessible in case of adverse events.

Save up for the child’s education as early as possible. The longer time she has, the better because she has more time to prepare.

Enlist the help of parents in taking care of the child.

Lailani Buena, an organizer at the alliance of women’s rights groups Gabriela, has seen many women hustle (dumidiskarte) as Christine now does. They are live sellers, street vendors, even scavengers. They peddle fish and vegetables, or work in salons. Some have regular jobs; others do not. They will do everything to sustain their families. 

Buena herself married young and had never worked before becoming a mother to five. Burdened with financial troubles, her first husband beat her for years until she finally left him. Slowly she gained financial independence, working as a household helper, a cashier, and a factory worker. Eventually her kids were able to finish high school one by one. 

While a stable job affords one the ability to leave an abusive partner, to raise self-confidence, and to gain peace of mind, Buena emphasizes that one cannot live on minimum wage alone. The high prices of goods and the many bills to pay are a challenge. In fact, Gabriela calls for the removal of the 12% Value Added Tax to ease this burden. 

“Isa rin ‘yun sa bigat na bitbit ng kababaihan,” Buena says. “Pero kahit papaano kinakaya niya pa rin, lumalaban sa pang-araw-araw na pamumuhay bilang babae.” 

(“That is one of the heavy loads that women carry. But one way or another, they are able to bear that weight, fighting day after day to live as a woman.”) — LA, GMA Integrated News