ESSAY: Even as a mom, I still need my mother

Happy Mother’s Day in heaven, Mommy. 🤍

Some days I still cannot believe I live in a world where I can no longer call you.

I miss you every single day… but tonight, I miss you a little more.

I miss our late-night coffees and conversations about life. I miss how you always knew when something was heavy in my heart even when I smiled and said, “Okay lang ako.”

As a mother now, I finally understand that kind of love. A mother just knows. And you always knew me better than anyone else.

I miss your hugs so much.

Until now, nothing in this world has ever made me feel as safe as your embrace. In your arms, I felt protected from everything — from fear, pain, exhaustion, heartbreak. One hug from you and suddenly I could breathe again.

Now there are days I silently break down and instinctively look for you… then remember I cannot run to you anymore.

And that pain never gets easier.

People say time heals. But how do you heal from losing the person who felt like home?

Even now that I am already a mother myself, I still need my mom. I still long for your voice, your comfort, your presence.

There are moments I want to tell you how tired I am, how heavy life feels sometimes, how much I wish someone would hug me the way you used to and say, “Anak, andito lang ako.”

Until now, I still struggle whenever I have to make stories about cancer… because cancer did not just take my mother away. It took the person who held pieces of me together.

So please… if your mother is still here, love her loudly while you still can. Sit with her. Drink coffee with her. Listen to her stories even if you’ve heard them a hundred times. Hug her tighter. Tell her you love her more often.

Because when your mother is gone, a part of you goes with her.

And no matter how old you are…
you will always look for your mom.

I miss you so much, Mommy.
More than words will ever be able to say. 🤍

—KG, GMA News