Pride and parenthood: Transman Jesi Corcuera reflects on his journey to becoming a father

Jesi Corcuera's journey to becoming a father was not an easy one.

The proud transman and "Starstruck" alumnus knew he wanted a family, and it took a long and winding road for him to start one.

It was in 2018 when Jesi thought about parenthood seriously and feared that he was already growing old.

"Gusto ko na, at the same time, kailangan ko na," the actor told GMA News Online in an exclusive interview.

Jesi said it was not the right time back then as he had to pursue other things, but he still felt the pressure of having a child.

"Iba na 'yung realization mo. Hindi ka na 'yung bagets na teenager, na happy-go-lucky ka lang," he said.

"Lahat ng mga ka-batch ko, may mga sarili nang pamilya, may mga anak na. So parang, may konting pressure sa part na 'yun. So parang ako, magagawa ko ba 'yun, lalo na sa napili kong landas?"

That same year, Jesi got back together with his childhood sweetheart, Cams.

"So nung bumalik si Cams sa 'kin 2018 sakto, meron na rin siyang kids nun. So parang sinabi siguro sa 'kin ni Lord na hindi pa time," Jesi said. "Kumbaga, ito muna. Nung binalik Niya sa 'kin si Cams, merong kids. So parang na-warm up ako. Practice or realization din kung 'yun ba talaga 'yung gusto ko, or kakayanin ko ba."

Jesi said he felt like having this new family was a way for him to study what it was like to be a parent.

"Hindi ko alam, basta saktong sakto na bumalik si Cams tapos may mga kids. Eh that time, 'yun na 'yung gusto ko eh. Mag-settle down, magkaroon ng hindi lang partner na girlfriend lang, pero bumuo ng sarili kong pamilya," Jesi said.

He initially planned on having IVF, or in vitro fertilization, in which Jesi would not carry the baby, but use his eggs and have a sperm donor. However, in the Philippines, IVF for LGBT+ people or couples is not accommodated by hospitals.

"May discrimination pa sa part na 'yun. Porket I'm part of LGBT na gusto bumuo ng sarili kong pamilya, 'yung paraan na gusto ko, hindi pwede," Jesi said.

Years passed, but Jesi still dreamt of having his own baby. In 2022, Jesi was at his prime age to harvest an egg.

"One click, isang araw, sabi ko, kailangan ko na siya ulit gawin," Jesi said. "And kailangang-kailangan ko na rin siyang ituloy talaga."

Although Cams is there to possibly carry the baby, Jesi said it is expensive and there would be difficulties in processing the child's papers.

After discussing it with Cams, Jesi researched and learned about artificial insemination, which is his last option. The process involves placing especially prepared sperm directly into the uterus during ovulation.

"Bahala na si Batman, Ako na mag-ke-carry," Jessi said. "Nine months lang naman, sabi ko."

Jesi found a sperm donor, a foreigner based in the Philippines. Jesi had to prepare his body to carry a child, so he stopped taking hormones and received medical guidance from his endocrinologist. He said it took four tries before he successfully conceived a child via artificial insemination.

"Hindi siya madali. Madaming struggle lalo na emotionally, mentally kasi 'yung preparation ko nung hindi pa 'ko buntis, 'yun 'yung pinaka mahirap eh, lalo na 'yung decision-making na ako na lang magdadala," he said.

Jesi also said he was concerned about his possible appearance being a transman carrying a child.

"Though kahit gustong-gusto ko siyang gawin, akala ng iba madali pagdesisyunan 'yung part na 'yun pero hindi. Kasi ang tagal nung ginugol ko para maging kung ano 'yung physique ko ngayon, kung ano 'yung itsura ko," he said. "Lahat 'yun pinaghirapan ko para maalis 'yung discrimination na 'yun. Para makapasok ako sa males' CR nang hindi ako kine-kuwestyon."

"Sasampalin ka ng universe na isa ka pa ring babae kasi nga mabubuntis ka pa rin."

However, Jesi said he was never afraid of the possible judgments he might receive because he wanted to share his story of building a family.

"Kung kaya ng normal na babae at lalaki bumuo ng sariling pamilya, kaya din namin. Kaya din natin sa community gawin 'yun sa prosesong alam lang natin," he said.

Then when Jesi finally did his "buntis reveal" in 2024 he said it was "sobrang sarap sa feeling."

To this day, he receives messages from LGBT+ people who also want to have their own families.

"Ang dami kong na-reach na tao, na nabigyan ko sila ng hope na alam mo 'yun, kaya rin nila," Jesi said. "Kasi before, andun 'yung takot nila eh, na ano daw sasabihin ng iba 'pag lesbian sila, mabubuntis sila, pagchichismisan."

"Actually, kahit wala kang gawing masama, andiyan pa rin 'yung sasabihin ng ibang tao, so huwag na lang pansinin."

Jesi said he is proud that his story opened the eyes of many people. Parents would also message him to say that they understand their LGBT+ family more, and that they are rebuilding relationships with their children. He also tells parents to love and accept their queer children and be their allies.

"Dapat magsimula sa family eh, kasi 'yun dapat 'yung maging foundation mo para lumaban eh. Kumbaga, lumakas 'yung loob mo gawin 'to."

"'Yun 'yung nagpapasaya sa akin until now kasi may mga nag-me-message. Tapos may mga nakikita din kong tina-tag ako, na ginaya 'yung procedure or lumakas loob nila gawin din na bumuo ng pamilya," he added.

Life as a dad

It was in 2024 when Jesi welcomed Calia Elle, also fondly known as baby Ninja, and his life has not been the same.

Jesi said one of the major changes was finances and how he uses his money to raise his child.

"Kasi before, 'pag nagka pera ka, parang dumadaan lang sa palad mo, kung ano lang gusto mong bilhin 'di ba," he said. "Pero ngayon nung naging magulang ko, parang halos lahat nakatuon na sa kanya."

Jesi is also learning more about patience. Now that baby Ninja is one and a half year old, "medyo nag-aaway na kami, makulit na siya," Jesi laughed.

Jesi said he enjoys waking up in the morning because he is next to his child.

"Tsaka 'yung mga hindi ko naranasan before, gusto ko maranasan niya," Jesi added. "Kahit medyo tight na sa budget, first birthday niya, ginawa ko lahat kasi dream ko 'yun na magawa ko sa kanya 'yun."

"Halos lahat na ng dahilan, siya na. Hindi na 'yung pang sarili ko," he said.

He also sees new milestones everyday, like first words, walks, runs, and eating.

"'Yung mga small things pero big wins para sa akin as a parent kasi parang reward ko 'yun sa sarili ko na, ay, nagawa ko 'to," Jesi said. "Hindi ko siya mararanasan kung hindi ko sinugal din o tinapangan 'yung sarili ko na gawin ko talaga."

Jesi is celebrating his second Father's Day. They were not able to celebrate last year as Ninja was confined in the hospital.

"Ngayong second year, sabi ko babawi kami. Spend time sa kanya, siguro lalabas," he said.

Jesi said he values time more than ever and maximizes his days as a dad.

"Actually, every day excited ako, parang ang dami ko din kasing natutuklasan sa sarili ko na ganto pala 'pag magulang ka na," he said.

"Every day, ang daming amazing na na-e-experience as a parent. Wala akong kahit one percent sa isip ko na pinagsisisihan kong magdesisyon na magkaroon ng sarili kong anak." —MGP, GMA News