Only girl keeps distance from dad

I never really grew up with my dad. He had spent most of my growing years in the States. He left when I was 9 and the only communication we had was through telephone, mails and voice tapes (since e-mails weren't really available then). I didn't care where my dad was...I WAS 9! He went back when I was 16, but still, I didn't care. He was just another figure in the house that came and left. As far as I can remember, my dad was good looking, had a hearty laugh, is friends with everybody, was very generous with anything he had and everybody knows him...in short, he was popular. He spent most of his waking hours out of the house to be with friends. My dad used to reach out to me, but to no avail. I was his only girl yet I always kept my distance. I didn't know how to have fun with my dad around. For me, he was just "that guy" and no one special. He stayed with us for over a year and then, heart attack took him away from us, yet again. Only this time, there's no coming back. I didn't cry when I knew, I didn't cry when some men brought in his coffin for his wake, I didn't cry on his funeral...yeah, I didn't cry...but, surprisingly, I was shattered. He was gone and that's when I realized everything he did to be part of me and my life, how hard he tried to fit himself in my world, and how eager he was to reply whenever I call him "dad"... He was gone when I learned how proud he was of me, my achievements and my failures and even the way I talked back at him. His friends told me that he always says that I took after him, stubbornness and all. Looking back on all the highlights of my life: graduating from grade school, high school and university; getting married and having a baby; bringing up a family of my own...my dad wasn't there to celebrate it with me...can't blame him though, can I? I love my dad, dearly, and he is, indeed, a very special man. I just kept denying myself of that fact, until he was gone. Funny that I always remember Father's Day but I hadn't wished my Dad a happy one, not even once... Charitess Dominguez Canog Dubai, UAE