In her last broadcast message, Emman Atienza opened up about social media pressures and taking a break

Emman Atienza, daughter of Kuya Kim Atienza, previously opened up about the pressures of social media in what would be her last message on her Instagram broadcast channel, posted on September 1.

In the message, Emman said she decided to deactivate her TikTok account after struggling to maintain authenticity online.

“I started posting on tiktok last year as a little diary & as exposure therapy because i was very insecure of my looks and personality for a long time. i wanted to push myself to be authentic & proud. along the way, many of you found me. it's been a great journey <3," the late Sparkle star wrote. 

"Not only have i become infinitely more confident, secure, and authentic, i've also met so many amazing people along the way. i gained traction pretty quickly & had almost a million followers too, which is very cool. im so grateful." 

However, she stated that the ongoing negativity she faced had taken a subconscious toll on her, saying that it had become difficult to be authentic and proud in the past couple of months. 

“Don't get me wrong, i can handle hate. ive gotten death threats from DDS everyday, misogynists in my comments telling me im stupid, burner accounts of high school bullies trying to egg me on. none of that has really phased me that much,” she said.

She acknowledged that she understood the Philippines is a “very conservative country,” and she tried to “push back on backwards systems.”

“But i feel like the hate has piled up in my head subconsciously. every time i post, i feel excited but also anxious and dreadful knowing there's going to be some hate i'll have to force myself to ignore. i catch myself checking my notifications every few minutes, hyper aware of every little thing about me.”

She also emphasized that her compensation for social media was never monetary, stating she did it for fun, self-expression, and community.

“Maybe i'd put up with the hate knowing i'd be receiving a paycheck at the end of every month. but my main compensation was always the joy & passion i felt when posting- which has been fading,” she said.

After debating a break for a month or two, Emman realized she was becoming less proud and more anxious, which contradicted her initial motivation for starting the account.

“So today i finally decided to deactivate my account :) i'm not sure when ill come back. maybe in a few days, maybe a few months. just until i can recollect my thoughts, reset my values, & clear my head of the dread. just need to breath a bit & take a break," she wrote. 

Emman ended her message by expressing her gratitude to her followers: "thank you guys for following me! it really means a lot."

As of writing, Emman’s TikTok account is active.

Emman’s family announced her “unexpected passing” on Friday morning.

She was 19 years old.

—Carby Rose Basina/CDC, GMA Integrated News