Big bad bully

A few days ago I came across a Facebook note from a father about his little girl who was being bullied in a well-established exclusive girl’s school. He said his daughter was tripped by several classmates, strongly poked by a pencil, her textbook was vandalized, and her lunchbag was thrown in the trash can. In between, he would take up these instances with the teachers. Obviously the response was too slow. Sadly, this is not a rare, nor new, occurrence. I myself was a victim of bullying. As a child I was overweight with very bad skin -- the perfect archetype of a victim. There was this particular boy named Richard who was probably held back in 4th grade several times because he was much older and bigger than me. He used to threaten me with bodily harm if I didn’t let him cheat off my test papers. He also took my money, which I didn’t have much of to begin with. I would shake with fear every recess because I knew he would make a beeline for me. Every so often, just to keep his power over me, he would make a show of pulling back his arm to punch me in the face. He never did punch my face, but he would punch me on the arms and it hurt. It hurt more that no one came to my aid. No teacher, no classmates, no friends. I can understand another child’s fear of being on a bully’s radar and his sigh of relief when it is someone else. But a teacher? To this day, I do not believe that not one teacher knew what the bully was doing to me.  He was always very obvious in his attitude towards others, towards me. But what could they have done. Would he have listened if the teachers talked to him or his parents? Or would he have threatened me more? Did they feel just as helpless as I did? There is not one way of dealing with bullies -- it is a case to case basis -- but I just wish they did something to let ME know that I wasn’t alone. For many years I have not had to deal with this part of my past, but now that I am a mother of two school-age children, my fears have come back with a vengeance. I cannot help but be alarmed that I see news about children committing suicide because of bullying, more so because it is constant. Every few weeks we see another face, another name on a list of those dead because they can no longer tolerate the treatment they are getting from their peers. I know it is every parent’s prayer that their child be spared, but how do we make sure that they are? Especially now with cyber-bullying? ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me.’ That line, I believe, is no longer true. Nowadays, with many social networking sites, it is easy to be bad. Being nameless and faceless online is a gift to people who want anonymity while they slam others with words they do not dare utter in person. It is so easy to be mean, so easy to hurt and not think of the consequences. What can we do? My kids are still very young. Cyber-bullying for them still does not exist, but I do not have illusions that this is forever. They will know of it, or may be victimized by it in the future. So what do I do? All that I can. I am trying to help them develop a strong spirit and belief in themselves by showering them with love and words that let them know they are important to me. I talk to them, especially my eldest, about the reality of bullying. I never fail to ask about her day and check for signs of sadness and uncertainty. Also, just for my assurance, my kids will both take up martial arts. No, I do not believe that violence is the answer, but I want to make sure that my children are armed with the ability to defend themselves, and their friends, if the need arises. I want and need them to be strong and independent, with an early knowledge of who they are because I do not want them to feel as I did: helpless, worthless, alone. I want them to be ready. Bullying is a serious matter. As parents and teachers it is our responsibility to protect our children no matter what. I do not know if my method is right, nor do I claim to know everything about bullying, but that I actually DO something is a beginning. Hindsight truly is 20/20, and I know now that the reason I was such an easy target as a child wasn’t just because I looked bad, but because I had no confidence, I had no self-esteem, no spirit, and the bully saw that. He knew I would take his abuse because I was weak. And I really was. My children will be the opposite. They will be strong, they will be tough. I will not let them be me.