COMMENTARY: Same-sex, same love

"Let all that you do be done in love." -- I Corinthians 16:14

 

It was winter of 2004 when I arrived in Vancouver, tired, terribly jet-lagged, and completely disoriented. My future spouse, Norm, was waiting for me, bearing a thick coat and a teddy bear.

 

"Welcome to Canada," he said, giving me a kiss. "Mom just went in for her knee surgery, and Dad is at home." There was a hint of worry in his voice.

 

"Great!" I said. "I'm excited to meet him!"

 

"You must understand, he can be a bit gruff..."

 

"We'll see," I said, unperturbed.

 

We made our way from the airport and arrived home. Norm helped me carry my suitcases up the stairs. His father was in the living room. He seemed to be anticipating my arrival, but didn't quite know what to say to me.

 

"Hi Dad!" I exclaimed. "I'm going to be your future son-in-law!"

 

Dad broke into a smile and laughed. That seemingly outrageous statement seemed to break the ice. From that point on, he doted on me.

 

Norm and I got married in late December, the one perfect day without the usual winter rain. At that time, British Columbia, along with some other Canadian provinces, had already legalised same sex marriage. It was not until February 2005 that the Canadian House of Commons passed Bill C-38, which made same sex marriage legal across Canada.

 

I soon became part of Norm's warm and very loving family. They are of Croatian-Hungarian-Austrian-French stock, but rather behaved like Filipinos especially in huge family gatherings. That made me feel right at home. 

 

We hung out when we came to visit and had long conversations over the phone and Skype. Our many Canadian nieces and nephews called me uncle Nelz. I became best buds with Norm's mom, who is a total sweetheart. I didn't feel like an outsider at all. It was all very touching.

 

The familial acceptance went both ways. Norm did not only become part of my immediate Filipino family, but my larger group of close friends who I call my family. My mother was enamoured with Norm, and we doted on our precocious niece in Manila. 

Our married lives have centred on family, both Canadian and Filipino. For us, marriage has always been a commitment of love, and that love is spread across our families. It seemed that we didn't have to be anything other than ourselves, and they wouldn't see that any other way. Even when we introduced ourselves to relatives that neither of us met, they didn't even blink.
 

 

^{Nelson and his husband, Norm}
 

We were travelling down to San Francisco when news of the US Supreme Court's decision legalising same sex marriage hit social media. It made our trip a bit surreal; the SCOTUS decision came just as Pride celebrations were underway, and that certainly made the event more meaningful, if not frenetic. There was jubilation in the streets, and the general atmosphere was of great elation.

 

We celebrated with them, cheering for those who can now marry the ones they love. But we were sidetracked by our impending visit with my Filipino relatives whom I have never met. We only talked over Viber, and while they are excited to finally meet me, they are excited and curious to meet Norm as well.

 

"Is he kind to you?" our spunky matriarch demanded. "Does he treat you well?"

 

"Yes, tita," I said with a smile, almost tearing up. "He is very good to me."

 

"Then I like him too," she said with a satisfied finality.

 

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Nelson Agustin is a graphic designer, photographer, writer, and drag queen. He lives with his spouse Norman in Vancouver, BC, Canada. They have been married for 11 years.