Can you afford to be in love? The cost of being in a relationship

Part 2 of 3

Read Part 1 (The cost of dating).

^{A sales lady in a shop at Dangwa Market, Manila's flower center, arranges stargazers a day before Valentine's Day 2016. —Danny Pata}

When you find someone you like, you probably don’t go: “If it takes P2,720 a month to go out once a week, how long can my salary support my feelings?”

It seems almost rude to talk about the finances of dating and investment advocate Aya Laraya says that this is the reason why people end up being in financial fixes in the first place.

“Filipinos do not have a healthy relationship with money,” Laraya laments, “We don’t understand it. That’s why the SSS is a mess.”

If you want a future together, he advised couples to start talking about salary and debt. He goes on to say that you should at least be able to sustain yourself—unless you want to be a burden to someone and you’re totally into being a parasite.

Your personal expenses don’t magically disappear when you change status, so if you’re struggling as a single person, you’ll feel the strain when you’re dating, and if you find yourself in a more committed relationship, you might stress your partner out, too.

If you’re at that point in your life where trips mean everything, you’ll run into some trouble if your partner views your travel expenses as frivolous. Laraya doesn’t give concrete numbers on how much it takes to be in a relationship, because it could range anywhere between the cost of rent money/food to hemorrhaging money to support a materialistic lifestyle (an observation, not a judgement).

Financial compatibility should be added to your list of dating deal-breakers. It’s not a matter of what the person earns, but what he does with it and if you’re cool with that. Here are some red flags that might indicate some incompatibilities:

Having problems about financial compatibility doesn’t mean you need to break up, but Laraya does encourage people to gauge whether the other person wants the same things as you do.

Beyond liking the same movies, listening to the same music, or laughing at each other's jokes, find out if your partner shares your plans for the future. Live the surfer life in La Union? Condo in Makati? Teach in indigent communities? Immigrate to Dublin?

The cost of relationships, it would seem, go beyond money. You're investing in a future and you have to ask yourself: Do you see this person in it?

There’s hidden (social) cost in being in a relationship too: You spend less time with other people, including your family. You even spend less time with yourself. The money you spend to help out at home start going somewhere else and, as finance coach Burn Gutierrez points out, this might breed some animosity.

Your priorities change and before you know it, you’re thinking about moving in together and making bigger plans. Can you afford that? — LBG, GMA News

[Read part 1]