New ‘Riverdale’ promo highlights start of Betty-Veronica rivalry

So the upcoming “Riverdale” television show is a “modern take” on the beloved Archie Comics. You know what that means: lots and lots of teenage angst, sanitized PG-13 sex scenes, more angst, people shedding their clothes for no reason whatsoever, and angst. We’re willing to bet this show will also continue the recent trend of taking classic songs, and having sad people sing them extra slowly and with generous helpings of unwarranted edginess.

But from the trailers we’ve seen so far, “Riverdale” seems to be missing one of its core elements: the unending rivalry between frenemies Betty and Veronica.

Well, look no further, folks! Because The CW recently debuted a new “Riverdale” promo called “Welcome to Riverdale,” and it highlights the beginnings of the love triangle that has served as the cornerstone of so many Archie stories.

Veronica enters that diner looking like she just came from an audition for the “Wicked” musical.

The show’s official synopsis gives us a very different Archie story. It starts by saying that Riverdale is “reeling from the recent, tragic death of high school golden boy Jason Blossom.”

It then goes on to explain that Archie Andrews (KJ Apa) has come upon an important realization: just like hundreds of thousands of teenagers in the world, he wants to become a musician! Such a sensitive soul. So sensitive, in fact, that it drove him into the loving arms of Ms. Grundy (Sarah Habel), who is no longer a grey-haired old lady but a young, presumably hot music teacher. For all of you out there with a teacher fetish, prepare to be disappointed: it seems Archie has already ended that “forbidden relationship” by the show’s start, for reasons the synopsis didn’t care to elaborate on.

The synopsis also describes Archie as having “a fractured friendship with budding writer and fellow classmate Jughead Jones (Cole Sprouse),” because, as hinted at earlier, nothing sells modern drama quite like angst.

Then you’ve got Betty Cooper (Lili Reinhart), who’s crushing on Archie but “not quite ready to reveal her true feelings,” and whose nerves are “hardly soothed by her overbearing mother Alice.” It’s almost like the premise is setting Betty up for “Carrie”-style shenanigans.

Veronica Lodge (Camila Mendes) is new to town and Riverdale High School. She probably knows some magic because her mother is named Hermione. Maybe Veronica was doing more than just auditioning for some stupid play.

In the comics, Archie has a third love interest, Cheryl Blossom. Played by Madelaine Petsch in “Riverdale,” Cheryl is “Riverdale’s Queen Bee” and is “happy to stir up trouble amongst Archie, Betty, and Veronica.”

The synopsis concludes with: “… but Cheryl is keeping secrets of her own. What, exactly, is she hiding about the mysterious death of her twin brother, Jason? Riverdale may look like a quiet, sleepy town, but there are dangers in the shadows…”

It is perhaps worth noting that previous descriptions of “Riverdale” also stated that Archie is “harboring more than one dark, terrible secret.” Given his pallor, supermodel cheekbones, and exquisitely threaded eyebrows, it’s possible one of those secrets is that he’s actually another godforsaken glittering vampire.

So there you have it. “Riverdale” ain’t your daddy’s Archie Comics. Archie himself is no longer the adorkable carrot top many of us grew up with, but a raging sexpot – and he’s got the requisite six pack to prove it! We’ve no doubt his newfound “assets” will play such significant role in the show’s sex scenes that they’ll appear in the credits as a separate entity from Apa. Because these days, nothing says “I love you” quite like boinking each other senseless.

“Riverdale” also stars Ashleigh Murray as Josie McCoy, Ross Butler as Reggie Mantle, Shannon Purser as Ethel Muggs, Marisol Nichols as Hermione Lodge, Casey Cott as Kevin Keller, Robin Givens as Mayor Sierra McCoy, and Mädchen Amick as Alice Cooper.

“Riverdale” is produced by CBS Television Studios and Warner Bros. Television. Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa, Sarah Schechter, Greg Berlanti, and Jon Goldwater are its executive producers.

The show debuts on The CW on January 26, 2017. — BM, GMA News