Web trysts: 'Nice profile, wanna meet up?'

By RONALISA CO, GMANews.TV “Ayan, tinatanong na niya ko!" Vanessa shrieks after reading Jim’s latest text message. “He’s asking whether I want to have a serious relationship daw." Vanessa, a 27-year old nogovernment organization (NGO)worker, met Jim, a 40-year old Manila-based American businessman, through Friendster.com. They’ve gone out twice and have been texting each other since their first “eyeball." Sparks didn’t fly on their first meeting. It was nothing remarkable, Vanessa admits. She says he’s not even good-looking. But he just might be “the one." Vanessa has been hooking up with men she’s met over the Internet for years now. She’s a veteran of sorts when it comes to dating and has rampantly used the net to search for men. But tonight, she’s acting more like a giggly high school kid. She texted all throughout the interview, laughing at Jim’s messages and asking, “Do you think I should give him a chance?" She unapologetically admits that she’s turning to the Internet to find the man of her dreams. And Vanessa told that to Jim after their second date, not minding the possibility that she could scare him with that admission. Such is the world of online dating-people hooking-up with each other faster than their broadband Internet connection. Whether one’s searching for a lifetime or temporary partner, the Internet has long been considered the easiest way to meet as many people as one can handle. But these days, websites as innocent-looking as Friendster, MySpace, Ringo, or Multiply are being used by all sorts of people to fill their dating needs. Looking for love Like her friend Vanessa, Kelly firmly believes that she will find Love through the Internet. This 32-year old travel writer admits that she prefers foreigners to Filipino men since “they’re more open and direct." Being morena, she enjoys it that foreigners, especially the westerners, are a lot more appreciative of her brown skin tone — something this Papaya-soap country has yet to accept. Since she started chatting in 2003, Kelly has met dozens of men and had two online boyfriends and a number of short-lived affairs. Just recently, she almost married her 47-year old British online boyfriend, David, whom she met last November. He was supposed to marry another Filipina, but David fell in love with Kelly the instant their “profiles met" over Yahoo 360, Yahoo’s own friend-searching site. Without meeting Kelly in person, he immediately cancelled his wedding plans with the other Pinay. He also sent her documents to help her get a visa and live with him in the United Kingdom. They were blissful and Kelly was excited. But come March 2006, David died after having a head surgery. “I guess it was my karma," Kelly jokingly says, thinking about how she had stolen David from another woman. But like everything else, life must continue for Kelly. These days, she spends most of her time chatting at Yahoo Messenger. After coming home from work, she chats until 2 a.m. to meet people from different time zones. She also regularly checks her accounts in FilipinoFriendFinder.com and other web-based dating sites. She considers herself a serial online dater and as of last count, she’s had 200 contacts in her YM list. 'Activity partner' Not all people who date online are into romance. Surprisingly, a number have found, as Friendster would put it, “activity partners" through these wholesome friend-searching sites. “Yes, I do have a fuck buddy," admits 27-year old Claire, an MA student in one of the country’s top universities. Sitting in one of the cafés along Megastrip, she recounts how she met, also through Friendster, her “buddy," Francis, a 30-something photographer. “I wasn’t really looking for something serious and, I think, this is why I’m okay with our setup," Claire says. It was Francis who made the first move. He sent her messages which she describes as “Wholesome. Nowhere near sexual." After seeing that he looks good in his Friendster photos, she soon found herself exchanging messages with him and, eventually, cellphone numbers. Shortly after, they agreed to meet up. “It was sort of spontaneous, and we ended up having sex on the same day," says Claire. Their first meeting was followed by a second and a third. Now, Claire had already lost count of the number of rendezvous they’ve had. Though they appear to be exclusively “seeing" each other, she says that they have never talked about the possibility of putting romance into their relationship. On the other side of Metro Manila, another NGO worker confesses to using the Internet to find a fuck buddy. “My friends told me it’s easier to find a fuck buddy through the Net, so I tried it out," says 32-year old Jay. So far, he’s used mIRC, one of the earliest chat sites around, and Friendster to find women who might be willing to accommodate his worldly requests. Jay doesn’t go past giving the basic ASL (age, sex, location), though, and keeps mum on his real name and other information that might give away his identity. He strictly follows a don’t-ask-don’t-tell personal policy when hooking up through the net because, as he says, he has “a reputation to protect." It's complicated Finding your perfect match through the Net seems like a challenging task. The superficiality of these websites, coupled with the probability that people are misrepresenting themselves through their profiles, still outshines each user’s desire to find love on the Internet. “I’m not looking for a boyfriend right now. But if I get to meet someone really interesting, then maybe I’d go for it," Claire says. She likes the idea of Friendster and other similar websites because she gets to screen the profiles of each person right away. But she’s aware that many people fake their profiles just to impress other people. “The thing with Friendster (and similar sites) is that it’s very superficial," Claire complains. “Eh, when you’re browsing through other people’s profiles, you’ll never really know for sure whether what they’ve put there is true or not." Kelly, on the other hand, feels very optimistic about finding love on the net that she declares she’s “getting married this year." No, she hasn’t found a prospective husband yet. But she continues to be on the prowl because she believes that finding the right guy through these websites is a mere hit or miss thing. “Just don’t forget to always ask questions so that you’ll know whether they’re being true or not," Kelly advises. And as she carefully screens each and every profile, she’s positive that she’s getting nearer to finding her Mr. Right. Meanwhile, Vanessa already gave Jim her “yes." Though still unsure whether they’d actually end up with a serious relationship, she’s already contemplating on whether she should start sleeping with him. Oh, but that was as of this writing.