High on sex: Mapping the mind of a sex addict

MANILA, Philippines – People by nature are sexual beings that yearn to satisfy their varied sexual appetites. And yet, news about famous people checking into rehabilitation centers or getting counseled for sexual addiction makes other, less voracious people scratch their heads and ask: What makes a sex addict tick? According to psychologist and book author Patrick Carnes, Ph.D. (www.sexhelp.com), sex addicts are people who "make sex a priority more important than family, friends, and work." "Sex becomes the organizing principle of addicts’ lives," Carnes adds. "They are willing to sacrifice what they cherish most in order to preserve and continue their unhealthy behavior." Most sex addicts are not aware that they have a problem, according to a spiritual group geared towards healing sex addiction, Sex Addicts Anonymous (www.sexaa.orp). "All we knew was that we couldn't control our sexual behavior. For us, sex was a consuming way of life. Although the details of our stories were different, our problem was the same. We were addicted to sexual behaviors that we returned to over and over, despite the consequences," SAA says. A variety of practices can lead to sexual dependency, according to SAA. And no single behavior pattern can define addiction to sex, Carnes adds. Carnes further explains that even the healthiest forms of human sexual expression can turn into "self-defeating behavior" when these take control of the dependents’ lives and become out of hand. Damaging behavior includes: compulsive masturbation, compulsive heterosexual and homosexual relationships, pornography, prostitution, exhibitionism, voyeurism, indecent phone calls, child molesting, incest, rape, and violence. But while sex addicts might act out sexually in many various means, SSA said, there are common grounds that seem to characterize their addiction: (www.huffingtonpost.com) • Powerlessness over addictive sexual behavior: "The essence of all addiction is the addicts' experience of powerlessness over a compulsive behavior, resulting in their lives becoming unmanageable. The addict is out of control and experiences tremendous shame, pain and self-loathing. The addict may wish to stop – yet repeatedly fails to do so." • Resulting unmanageability of ones life: "The unmanageability of addicts' lives can be seen in the consequences they suffer: losing relationships, difficulties with work, arrests, financial troubles, a loss of interest in things not sexual, low self-esteem and despair." • Preoccupation with sex leading to ritual and failed promises and attempts to stop acting out: "Sexual preoccupation takes up tremendous amounts of energy. As this increases for the sex addict, a pattern of behavior (or rituals) follows, which usually leads to acting out (for some it is flirting, searching the net for pornography, or driving to the park)." • Feelings of shame, pain, and self-loathing: "When the acting out happens, there is a denial of feelings usually followed by despair and shame or a feeling of hopelessness and confusion." Sex addiction is not something to be taken lightly. People who are dependents must seek help, according to site medicinenet.com (www.medicinenet.com), as in many cases addiction to sex cause troubles such as job loss, failed marriages, an arrest, and health crisis. “Most sex addicts are living in denial and treating an addiction is dependent on the person accepting and admitting that he or she has a problem," according to the site. - Aie Balagtas See, GMANews.TV