Marrying your best friend

"My best friend at 13

… my persistent suitor at 14

… my puppy love at 15

… my prom date at 16

… my boyfriend at 17

… my debut escort at 18

… my gimik date at 19

… my out-of-town companion at 20

… my romantic lover at 21

… my groom at 22

… the father of my child at 23

… my most amazing husband at 24 & counting

 

I love you, baby! Happy Anniversary!" - Facebook status of Ja Arreza

 

 

It may seem like something that only happens in the movies, but this is a true story. When you're young and in love, forever is a promise that's easy to make. As older people often say, "Don't take it too seriously, it's only puppy love." 

But sometimes, teenage crushes do end up in marriage, as it did for Ja and Mark Arreza, who exchanged 'I do's' 10 years after they first saw each other in high school. Like any other love story, it's not always sunshine and rainbows. It may not be a fairy tale, but it's a real-life romance to remember.

 

Ja met Mark through a common friend, who was then Mark's classmate and Ja's neighbor. "It was one sunny afternoon while I was walking down our street and passed by my neighbor’s house when he introduced me to a “shirt-less” Mark... it was really a turn-off at first sight!" recalled Ja, then a student at a conservative all-girls school. 

 

At her high school fair, he became an instant "crush ng bayan." All the girls thought he was cute, but Ja thought he was mayabang. She made it a point to ignore him, but it seemed he had a crush on her. “Okay ka lang ba, 'di ka ba nasisikipan?” he asked Ja when they were sitting next to each other in a car with their friends.

 

Eventually, they became best friends. They could tell what the other was thinking just by looking at each other. But they fell in love with other people. Mark courted Ja's batchmate, and Ja became his "bridge." She even lent him money so he could buy the girl flowers. She, too, had a boyfriend, and whenever they would argue, the boy would get Mark to talk with her, because he was the only one she listened to.

 

Tragedy struck when Mark's sister died in the fire at Ozone disco in 1996, but it was this tragedy that brought them closer to each other. "He turned to me for comfort and strength and I made it a point that he would get by this tragedy as easy as possible," said Ja. 

 

Spending a lot of time together led to Ja breaking up with her boyfriend, and Mark slowly lost communication with the girl he was courting. "In time, I saw Mark smile again. Although I know he was still hurting, he was able to slowly go back to his usual routines," Ja said.

 

'I cannot be your best friend anymore'

 

One April Fool's Day, she told him that she was in love with him. In a serious tone, he asked her what took her so long to tell him that. When she told him it was April Fool's Day, they laughed it off, but she felt there was something there. 

"Mark became extra sweeter and more thoughtful and he would travel all the way from Novaliches to Parañaque every day to spend time with me and bring me my favorite pasalubongs," she said. Their friends began to tease them, but they denied there was anything more than friendship between them.

 

One month later, Mark insisted that they talk, saying he needed to tell Ja something very important. “Ja! I cannot be your best friend anymore!” Mark told her. Just as she began to panic, thinking she had done something wrong, he continued. “Because you are more than that to me now… Ja, I love you!" he said.

 

"These were the sweetest words a guy had ever told me and right then I knew that he was the guy for me. So I said, 'I love you too!'" Ja said. As Ja recalled, this was the start of a roller coaster ride. They shared everything —  junior prom, senior ball, graduations, Ja's debut, Mark's basketball games, family affairs, and out of town trips.

 

"Being the kids that we were, we also had our share of the usual ups and downs of a relationship. We had our cool-off periods, selosan and being too possessive issues, unreasonable fights and misunderstandings," Ja said. Eventually, the fights and trial separations and reconciliations became too frequent, and they decided that it was time to end their relationship.

 

They drifted apart, but after a few months, they saw each other again. "The spark and connection that we used to share was still too strong that it was so hard to ignore," Ja said. They decided to get back together, but this time, the problem was they were both seeing other people. Ja shared that this was the hardest chapter of their relationship. They didn't want to hurt their current partners, and at the same time, they were scared that getting back together was the wrong decision. On top of that, they had to start over.

 

"I eventually got the guts to break up with my then-BF and waited for Mark’s decision. And I even did the craziest things just to get him back," Ja said. She got tired of waiting and began to entertain other suitors. It was then that Mark realized he was losing her, so he finally gathered the courage to end his relationship with his girlfriend and try to win Ja back. "Para kaming pingpong… ang gulo talaga naming nun! Finally, we reconciled and helped each other regain the friendship and trust that was once lost, recover from the pain of the past, and rebuild the foundation of our love," Ja said.

 

Happy marriage  

This time, they decided they would never separate again. Just three months after getting back together, they got engaged. Almost nine years later, they welcomed a baby boy into their family. 

"Whenever people would ask our secret to a happy marriage, our answer would be that the best thing about our relationship is that we grew up together," Ja said. Marrying your best friend has its advantages, she shared. Ja explained that they didn't need to go through the adjustment period of newlyweds, because they knew each other so well. "We don't need words to expess how we feel. Gestures and even silence already tell the other if something's wrong," she said.

 

Another advantage is that if and when the romance or kilig wears off, you can switch the relationship to barkada-mode. "It's always best to be in a relationship with a person who you can talk to about everything under the sun or just hang out the whole day doing nothing," she said.

 

She added that marrying a best friend can give you peace of mind. "During times when you have doubts if your partner is unfaithful, you are reassured that the other won't do anything to betray the trust of a friend," she said.

 

Ja shared that everything is going smoothly in their relationship — to the point that she sometimes wonders if it can be true. 

 

“Sounds like a fairy tale, yes? Many people come and go in a person’s life, but there will always be that one someone who will make the difference and that someone who will be worth fighting for and is worth all the hurt, sacrifices and pain that one may go through in life. The story you just read is true. It doesn't have a happy ending just yet ,as our love is one of those which still write a new chapter of beautiful love shared each and everyday that passes," she said. —KG, GMA News