Miss Trans Global 2020 Mela Habijan: 'I thought I was just a gay guy who's very feminine'

Miss Trans Global 2020 Mela Habijan revealed that beauty pageants helped her realize her identity as a transgender.

In an exclusive interview with GMA News Online, the trans Filipina beauty queen said that her generation knew very little about sexual orientation, gender identity, and expression (SOGIE).

They only knew about male, female, gay, and lesbian. Thanks to Miss Universe, however, Mela realized was she different ever since she was a little kid.

"I was four, and then I got fascinated with the idea of being on stage, more importantly being a queen," she said.

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When she was a teenager, she came out as gay.

"I thought I was just simply a flamboyant gay guy who's very feminine," she said.

It was only in 2013 when Mela would encounter the term "transgender."

She became scared, however. Growing up, she saw many people like her who were ridiculed, oppressed, and belittled.

"It was a journey of push and pull, push and pull, push and pull because I know that there are prejudices and there are stereotypes when a person who's born male will come out as a woman," the beauty queen said.

"I didn't know what life would be if I embraced that side of me," she added.

It was after talking to her trans sister, Janlee, that Mela was able to wholly accept who she was.

"Sabi niya, 'Sa huli, it will always be you who will decide who you want to be and how you want to live your life,'" Mela said. "Not all transgender women has the capacity to transition. Fortunately, I have had that capacity to transition—social transition and medical transition."

Although she encountered fears, she came to realize that she alone could define her womanhood.

She said that when she looks at the mirror, the first thing she tells herself is, "You are beautiful, Mela."

"My beauty is beyond physical because my beauty comes from the heart. It defines myself as a strong woman because I was able to live my truth," she said.

Mela was crowned last September as the first ever Miss Trans Global. Before her win, she starred in GMA shows "The Better Woman" and "Asawa Ko, Karibal Ko." —MGP, GMA News