I gave up Tinder for Lent

[Ed's note: #TinderTales is a weekly column that attempts to look at online dating. This week, our Tinderella tells us about giving up the dating app for Lent. Have a story to share? Email us at submissions@gmanews.tv]

My name is Pat and I’m a Tinderholic. I’ve been swiping since 2015 for a slew of reasons: when I’m bored or in a long meeting, when I feel lonely, when I want some entertainment. I swipe when I’m trying to get over somebody and when I'm nursing a broken heart. I swipe when my needs, my physical needs make themselves felt.

I swipe because it’s the affirmation I can give to myself, that I’m actually doing something about my dating situation in a city like Metro Manila where famine of good looking and decent Pinoy gentlemen has struck. I swipe because if I don’t play, I can’t win.

I’ve reached a point where I feel like God has forgotten about me, dating-wise. Don't get me wrong. He's totally #blessed me in the all the important ways: good health, stable job, great friendships and close family ties,

But in terms of a love life? I've spent all these years interacting with boys, boylets, men, man children, gentlemen, jerks and assholes, and I still have not had the luck of landing a relationship that could lead to a great life partnership.

I’ve had my heart broken, bruised, trampled on and kicked to the corner one too many times. One can argue that God has spared me and kept his watch over me regardless of who I have encountered. Well and good. That may probably be the healthier way of looking at it. 

I definitely have issues.

Anyway, for Lent, I have decided to stop all efforts at online dating and abstain from Tinder. The results have since been quite interesting.

Illustration: Jannielyn Ann Bigtas

For starters, I have time to do other things. I now spend more time on social media, which may not be the best alternative, but getting off the app has made me pay more attention to what is going around me — like how my colleague at work is dealing with her grief, or that my cousin’s Instagram stories are hilarious, or how amazon has some great books on baking. 

I already have friends and people around me that could use my attention. There really is no need to make new acquaintances and go thru the charades of collecting and selecting on that app when in the end, men just have different ways of trying to get in my pants.

These days, I find delight in my own company. Instead of being stuck in traffic and swiping left or right, or thinking of a nice reply that will keep the banter, I find myself enjoying my own version of carpool karaoke with the volume turned up.

There have been days when I wish there was somebody texting and asking how my day went; but I am able to find something I like to do instead. I’m afraid I had forgotten how much fun I could be and made the habit of wanting to meet new men an escape from having to deal with myself.

These days, weekends are reserved for doing only the things that make me happy and not making plans with the possibility of breaking them in case a hot match invites to dinner.

But don't get me wrong. It's been quite a sacrifice. In my years of swiping, I have formed interesting friendships with suitors who know there’s no way we can get romantically involved but still keep in touch. Miguel for instance lives in Argentina. We met in Europe last year and although we know it is highly possible we may never see each other again, we enjoy occasional how are yous and it brings a smile to my face. I now have a friend who lives across the globe and possibly a reason to visit South America.

Ramon comes every now and then to Manila and we have lunch and catch up. We bicker like brother and sister or an old married couple and yet we still manage to patch up and stay cordial.

It's almost 40 days now without Tinder and I miss it.

But almost 40 days in, I am realizing how it was making me so hard. It was chipping away at my sanity. Forty days in and it feels like I have somehow gotten back in touch with my real self again.

The one who doesn’t care whether she is unattached or not because she’s having a lot of fun. The one who knows that the one person on this earth who can make her feel good about herself is her. The one who is happy to be in the company of family and friends and invest in more time listening to them and being totally present in the moment.

I am glad I decided to go off the app, at least for now.

I used to think not Tindering would mean losing opportunity to meet new guys. Today I know that staying on Tinder, even when I know my heart is tired, would mean missing out on the opportunity to appreciate what I already have and who I already love, ME!

The idea of abstaining from a dating app sounds inane, and maybe it is. But one thing I know for sure: Lent doesn’t need to be seen as a season for denying myself “pleasures" when I am trying to be the best version of myself. The pleasure is in discovering the little surprises life has to offer.

Maybe God forgot. Or maybe I did. — LA, GMA News