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How to avoid getting cheated on: Here's what relationship experts say
Celebrity couple breakups with third party involvement always make the headlines.
If cheating could happen with celebs, non-showbiz couples might start to wonder: could it happen to me?
For relationship coach and romance author Aileen Santos, it's all about choosing the right kind of partner.
"Be deliberate in choosing the right kind of partner... it's in his nature to be loyal, that is the biggest foundation for not experiencing cheating in a relationship," Aileen tells GMA News Online.
"If you choose someone with a history of cheating, then it's like living near a volcano. You already know it's a volcano, why are you living next to it?"
Before starting a relationship, Aileen says it's best to find out first if the person values loyalty and faithfulness.
Seminars, counseling, communication
AMD Love Consultants' Maribel Sison Dionisio, a parenting and relationship consultant for over 25 years, believes couples should have "relationship maintenance" through seminars, counseling or by simply talking to each other regularly.
"Kailangan talaga natin ng relationship maintenance. We have to have a check-up through seminars or counseling para to know. Kunware you just ask your partner: on a scale of 1 to 10, how happy are you in a relationship?" she says.
Maribel thinks an answer of "seven" might already ring alarm bells for couples.
"Why is it seven? Baka bumaba ng six. Do an assessment through regular communication," she says.
One of the most common problems among couples who come to her for counseling is lack of communication. It's important to let your significant other know what is it that you want or need no matter how small or big it is.
Aileen also stressed the importance of setting emotional and physical boundaries. "You have to know what is it that you share emotionally with your boyfriend or girlfriend, that should be for your boyfriend and girlfriend only, and not for someone at work, and not for someone who is just a best friend, not for someone or anyone else. You need to know your boundaries for both emotional boundaries and for physical boundaries."
Types of cheaters
Aileen explains there are two types of cheaters: a person who makes a mistake, and the chronic cheater.
She said the first type is someone who will later realize that what he did during his moment of weakness was wrong. The chronic cheater is someone who has a weak personality, for whom cheating is just part of their system.
"There are those who are chronic cheaters and you will just set yourself up for failure if you believe them and you give them second, fourth, fifth chances," she said. "There are certain types of people who are really weak, so they are more prone to cheating."
Maribel says cheating sometimes happens when one partner thinks their needs are unmet and goes out of their relationship to satisfy them, but that this could happen when that person's needs are "unexpressed."
Then there are those who cheat because of their own insecurities and abandonment issues in their growing-up years.
"They feel powerless and they feel more powerful if they are able to conquer another woman," she explained.
Coping with cheating
Aileen says when you know you've been cheated on yet do not confront your partner about it, you are poisoning yourself.
Choosing to stay with a chronically cheating partner may lead people to believe that they are "not worth being told the truth, they are not worth being faithful to, and that really erodes their self-esteem."
"The longer they stay in a relationship, the worse their self-esteem gets because it's going to end anyway, I know that from so many cases of cheating," she added.
While your family and friends are there to cheer you up, Aileen said it's best to seek professional help from a counselor to help you "process these things that can cause emotional trauma and being cheated on is one of them."
She said the insights and lessons that you need moving forward should come from a professional counselor.
"You will find out what your part was in the situation and that part may be as simple as choosing the wrong kind of person, even learning how to identify good potential partner in the future that's something that a counselor can help you with," she explained.
Social media and cheating
Aileen says social media has nothing to do with cheating, noting it's just a tool that brings out who you really are as a person.
"Social media is just a tool, so if you're a loyal person in the first place it just brings out loyalty if you are a cheater in the first place it just brings out more of your cheating activities," she explained.
"It's not social media that causes people to cheat it just let's you become more of who you are. It's just another way for you to express who you are. It's your choice it's not the social media's choice it's your choices that turn you into the person that you become." —JST/BM, GMA News
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