Here's what 'healthy' jealousy looks like

Last week, a woman from Mexico was reported to have stabbed her own husband after finding a photo of him with a younger woman.

But lo and behold, she found out later on that the younger woman in question was actually her.

This alleged behavior may be classified as extreme, downright harmful and dangerous. It should lead to the question: When is jealousy considered as healthy or unhealthy?

According to relationship coach and romance author Aileen Santos,  jealousy can be healthy if, when you feel it, you express it to your partner and have a conversation about it.

It’s also healthy, she added, if there’s actual reason for the jealousy to occur, because it means it's stemming from the boundaries we set for ourselves.

Emotional and physical boundaries, she said, are very important and couples should know what their partner's boundaries are.

“Physical boundaries are easier to identify — you don't french-kiss all of your friends, right? But when it comes to emotional boundaries, both of you have to define the things that you reserve for a friend, the things you reserve for a boyfriend or girlfriend, and the things you reserve for a spouse," Santos said.

She added, “When all these things are clear, you can really avoid jealousy because you are able to identify...this is not something I will be giving away to all of my friends and I think I should only reserve this to my girlfriend or my boyfriend.”

As an example, Santos shared a scenario of a girlfriend becoming insecure with her boyfriend's best female friend because the boyfriend always runs to the latter instead of the former.

“It’s not about being possessive," Santos begins. "It’s about knowing what each level of relationship deserves. There are things reserved for our special partner. If we're giving it away to other people, then we need to put a check on that.”

Santos explained that you’ll know if it’s a boundary when (1) it creates a different level of closeness with his/her partner person and (2) when it is taking away from the deeper relationship that you have with your special someone.

The coach added, “Just imagine if the guy keeps sharing deep emotions [with his best female friend] down the road, then he is technically robbing from the deeper connection that he could have been having with his wife because he is developing a deeper connection with his female best friend. That’s why it's a boundary.”

Santos, clarified, however, that that doesn’t mean that you have to cut yourself off from the rest of the world, especially if it won’t hurt your relationship to develop friendships with other people. — LA, GMA News

Need more love advice? Contact Santos on Facebook