Practice positive discipline, child rights advocates tell parents

When a child does something undesirable, the common reaction is to punish the child. From spanking to making the child kneel on salt, parents and guardians often deal with behavioral issues through corporal punishment methods. 

 

While such practices are widespread and handed down from generation to generation, child rights advocates are pushing for a ban on corporal punishment. Instead, they urge parents to use positive discipline to bring up their children.

 

Child-clinical psychologist Joan Durrant explains that warmth and structure are the most important things to keep in mind when disciplining a child.

 

According to Durrant, these are the two most important parenting tools that will help children become successful later in life.

 

She explains that there has to be a safe and secure atmosphere where the child knows he's always loved. At the same time, the parent has to be able to communicate clearly in a way that the child can understand the information the child needs in order to learn.

 

"We want the parents to understand that their child has a perspective, and if we show the child that we respect [his/her] perspective, we're teaching [him/her] to respect other people's perspectives," says Durrant at a press briefing on May 21 organized by Save the Children and Child Rights Network.

Consequences of corporal punishment  

She adds that there are no studies that show corporal punishment has any beneficial effects in the long term.

 

"It might get a child to stop what [he/she is] doing right now, but over the long term, children become at a greater risk for being more aggressive because they're learning how to solve conflict with aggression. They start to avoid and fear their parents," says Durrant. 

 

The United Nations Committee on the Rights of the Child defines corporal punishment as "any punishment in which physical force is used and intended to cause some degree of pain or discomfort, however light."

 

Corporal punishment includes blows to any part of a child's body, with or without the use of an instrument, striking the child's face or head, pulling hair, shaking, twisting joints, cutting or piercing skin, dragging or throwing a child, forcing a child to perform physically painful or damaging acts, deliberate neglect of a child's physical needs, and verbal abuse.

 

Thirty-two countries around the world have banned corporal punishment, with the exception of North America and Asia. "It's recognition that children have basic rights. Just like you and I take for granted every day that nobody can legally hit us, children should have that same right," she says.

 

In Asia, the Philippines may be the first country in the region to ban corporal punishment. In 1990, the Philippines ratified the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child, which states that corporal punishment violates children's right to human dignity and physical integrity. 

 

According to an earlier report, a 2005 survey by Save the Children showed 85 percent of Filipino children respondents were being punished in their homes.  Legislation

 

Rep. Bernadette Herrera-Dy, author of House Bill 4455 or the Positive and Non-violent Discipline of Children Act, says the goal is to ban corporal punishment in all settings.

 

She explains that there is a portion in the Implementing Rules and Regulations of the Anti-Child Abuse Law that states some form of violence is acceptable in the disciplining of children. 

 

"That's why we're passing this anti-corporal punishment law, to correct that notion that if it's to discipline children it's okay to harm your children. What we're saying is no amount of harm will equal discipline. Discipline is not punishment," she says.

 

Under the law, offenders who are parents will be referred to local social welfare offices for proper intervention programs. 

 

"We did not pass this bill to criminalize parents. We want intervention for them and to teach them how to do positive discipline and anger management. We want to encourage parents and teach the proper way of disciplining your children," she says.

 

The bill was passed in the House of Representatives in August 2011. Its counterpart in the Senate, Senate Bill 873, has been pending in the Committee of Youth, Women and Family Relations.

 

Some areas in the country have passed local ordinances against corporal punishment, including Lagawe in Ifugao, Cawayan in Masbate, and Llorente in Eastern Samar. Ordinances are also under deliberation in Quezon City, Naga, Cebu, Davao and Sultan Kudarat.

 

Durrant and other Master Trainers of Positive Discipline will train a core group of 40 selected future trainers of the Department of Education, Department of Social Welfare and Development and civil society organizations from May 22 to 25. 

 

Earlier this month, DepEd launched its Child Protection Policy and Guidelines, which aim to protect the child from all forms of violence that may be inflicted by adults, persons of authority, and their fellow students.

No to battered children  

"We should begin to think about this more seriously. Children will be the next generation and we don't want to have a generation of battered children, children who are abused in their homes," says Romeo Dongeto, Philippine Legislators Committee on Population and Development Foundation (PLCPD) Executive Director.

 

In a news release, PLCPD cites a 2011 Pulse Asia Perception Survey which reveals that two out of three parents use corporal punishment to discipline their children. Meanwhile nine out of 10 parents who practice corporal punishment say that it was also used by their parents to discipline them.

 

"It's hard to imagine parenting without ever spanking your child, or calling them names or yelling at them and other harsh things because so many of us have experienced it as well," agrees Durrant.

 

In her books “Positive Discipline: What It Is and How to Do It” and “Positive Discipline in Everyday Teaching: Guidelines for Educators,” Durrant articulates a framework in order to give parents principles to follow so that they can come up with constructive solutions on their own. 

 

Durrant, a member of the Research Advisory Committee of the United Nations Secretary-General’s Study on Violence against Children, and a co-editor of Eliminating Corporal Punishment: The Way Forward to Constructive Discipline (UNESCO), has over 20 years of research on corporal punishment worldwide.

 

Durrant says that there's no recipe, and it isn't a quick fix. "We don't say 'do this, do that.' We help them learn how to think; it's empowering parents to know how to go through the process and figure it out," she says.

 

She explains that parents need to learn about understanding the root of the problem and finding out what will help the child learn something useful instead of fear them.

 

"Fear isn't a good foundation for parenting, because children learn that they can't go to their parents when they have problems," she says.

 

Durrant recalls that when her three-year-old son dropped his father's toothbrush in the toilet, she asked herself, "What's going on in his head?"

 

Instead of lashing out and calling him "stupid," Durrant realized that her son didn't know anything about germs, or plumbing. Nor did he want to offend his father, she realized. "He did it because he's three. That's what three-year-olds do," she shares.

 

Durrant says that positive discipline is about using such a situation as an opportunity to teach the child something. Instead of scolding her son, Durrant taught him about germs and how the toilet is not the place for things to put in our mouths, and about the cost of plumbing and replacing the toothbrush. In the end, her son decided to use the little money he had to buy his father a new toothbrush.

 

"At the age of three, we were building that foundation of not creating fear. Now he's 15—the mistakes are big, there are big consequences, and we want him to know that we can help him through and work together to find a solution," she says. –KG, GMA News