Turning 30 and dreading it? How to keep off the pre-30 crisis

I remember the days when I was a fresh-faced, naïve new graduate and I just landed my first job in a major television network. I called all of my colleagues, most of whom were older than me, “Ate” and “Kuya” out of respect.

 

I was puzzled why they insisted I drop the prefixes, lest I lose my job. They were joking of course. But I was confused. They were technically my seniors, so what’s wrong with calling them that?

 

Now that I’m gradually inching towards turning 30 myself, how I wish I could take it back. Because seven years later, here I am, cringing when interns and young cousins address me as “Ate.”

 

“Ali na lang, please,” I’d tell them. But unfortunately, that never sticks.

 

Positivity advocates will tell you turning 30 is a milestone, but you’ve got to admit–turning 30 does induce panic for women, regardless of citizenship and culture. Psychologists call it the “pre-30 crisis.”

 

According to Australian psychologist Dr. Paul Cullen, looking back at Carl Jung’s psychotherapy literature reveals that we are innately driven to travel a path of self-realization. 

 

When we stray from this path, we develop neurotic symptoms. He described the pre-30 crisis as a fork in the road, where an individual who has been successful pauses to contemplate the direction he or she is heading and if it is the right direction.

 

Journalist and author of “Passages: Predictable Crises” Gail Sheehy attributed the stress to feeling like there’s a deadline, when important new choices must be made, and commitments have to be altered or deepened.

 

Sheehy wrote, “One common response is the tearing up of the life we spent most of our twenties putting together. It may mean striking out on a secondary road toward a new vision…the single person feels a push to find a partner. The woman who was previously content at home with children chafes to venture into the world.”

 

It’s a feeling of discontent, which, if not recognized and thought over well, can lead to impulsive decisions.

 

Telltale signs

 

I have rounded up six telltale signs of pre-30 crisis. Spot these early so you can do something about it.

 

1. When you notice the first strands of white hair appearing. Ooops! Better find an affordable salon to color your hair monthly.

 

2. When your grandparents, uncles and aunts start pestering you during family reunions “When are you getting married” immediately after asking “How are you?” You know you’ve mastered the art of evading their questions when you learn to swerve their attention somewhere else. Try “Look, little Jane said her first word.” Then escape as quietly as you can.

 

3. When you notice the first signs of wrinkles creasing your face and rush to the nearest drug store to buy anti-aging cream. Relax, applying too much cream won’t smooth the wrinkles overnight and will only make your face greasy.

 

4. When, if you have a job that you do just to pay the bills, you dream of storming out of your cubicle and handing your boss your resignation. As a kid, you have always dreamed of becoming a novelist or an artist, a job your parents mightily disapproved of. But hey, time is ticking and you have to chase after your dreams before you die!

 

5. When, after watching the movie “Eat, Pray, Love,” you cry like a baby. At this point in your life, you are overworked, stressed, and wishing for a much-needed me-time. You promise to save money to globetrot like Julia Roberts, eat several pizzas, and perhaps meet a Javier Bardem lookalike in Bali.

 

6. When you meet new acquaintances and play the “guess my age” game and you’d be intoxicatingly happy when they say you look like a 23-year-old. You make a mental note to add them on Facebook. Such amiable people! Similarly, another sign of pre-30 crisis is when you start lying about your age.

 

Combat the pre-30 crisis

 

If you can relate to most of the items above, don’t worry. There’s nothing a change of perspective and an amount of research cannot solve.

 

First, do not compare yourself to others. You did not live their lives, therefore you have no idea what their journey is all about.

 

Second, think of it as a normal transition. Yale psychologist Daniel Levinson has a theory that people undergo a series of stages. He said it is normal to reevaluate your life when you reach your 30s. Make the most out of the reevaluation. Stay off negative vibes and keep the positive fire burning. 

 

Third, find a support group. Keeping all your emotions inside will make you a walking time bomb. And especially for us women, we love talking and I’m sure your trusted gal pal is ready to offer you her shoulder.

 

Lastly, think of your 30s as an opportunity for growth. As Sheehy wrote, “…we must be willing to change chairs if we want to grow. There is no permanent compatibility between a chair and a person. And there is no one right chair…During the passage from one stage to another, we will be between two chairs. Wobbling no doubt, but developing.”

 

Sheehy advised to embrace the crisis and turn it into a constructive change.

 

At this point in your life, you may not have everything figured out. You never have to. Otherwise, what’s the point of living?

 

At the least, know what you want and what you don’t want. Find out what makes your heart soar. Most importantly, learn the gift of looking forward to every day because there is still so much to experience and learn, so much to be inspired for.

 

And if you ask me, do I ever want to turn back time and be 20 again? Definitely not!  

 

I think of it this way: the more birthdays that pass, the more experiences we have, and the more clarity and wisdom we gain in life. That’s something no other school or self-help book could teach.

 

You’ve gotten tough, and for that, 30 is something to be proud of. –KG, GMA News