When losing weight means loving yourself

"Love yourself and everything else falls into place," I once read in a milktea store, and it struck me how it best summed up my weight loss journey.

It began not with the criticism nor the ridicule that was hurled my way, but with the realization that I needed to love myself again.

I started eating voraciously when I found out my baby wasn't gaining weight in my womb. I gained five extra pounds, which quickly went up to 10, to 20, until I stopped getting on the scale.

My blouses became tighter; I had to hold my breath to fit in my jeans until I couldn't anymore. My stilettos couldn't carry my weight any longer.

I gave birth, started breastfeeding, and slowly saw my weight go down. But when I stopped nursing, I saw my weight shoot right back up again. I peaked at 60 lbs. more than my pre-baby weight. 

But all the extra pounds didn't matter. What mattered was having a child, a blessing that others could only hope and pray for.

Then the comments started coming my way. I noticed some people would sugarcoat their remarks about my weight gain. Others were blatantly harsh, telling me I look fat, old and wasted.

But when I looked in the mirror, I would still see the same old me: a person with a heart that cares for others, someone who readily helps people in need, someone capable of loving unconditionally the people she holds dear.

More often than not I shrugged off the nasty comments about how I look. But on bad days, the body-shaming did quite hurt.

When I needed to cross the street, I noticed how motorists would stop for the svelte woman a few steps ahead of me — only to start speeding up before I could manage a few more steps.

At the MRT, a guy would willingly offer a seat to the sexy, young lady yet completely ignore me even if my bulging tummy made me look expecting and near-term.

I experienced discrimination on various levels because I was fat. I started to wish for society to treat the voluptuous with the same enthusiasm as they would a size 2-lady, as long as the woman wore her smile.

But it wasn't the harsh words nor the mistreatment that moved me to start getting back in shape.

My weight started taking its toll on my health.

A few flights of stairs was enough to leave me breathless. I couldn't catch up with my daughter while running after butterflies at a park. I was always too tired, too sluggish to engage in her activities.

Then I started bleeding; my weight was too much for my body to handle. I took medication. I had to skip work. I became moody. I was always irritable.

I wasn't quite myself anymore.

More than youth and beauty, I was scared to lose the people I loved. I started driving them away because I was being impossible to be around.

Without having to stare back at the mirror, I saw the need to love myself again.

I needed to get back in shape, to look better, to feel better to be able to love even better.

I began by cutting down on the carbs. Then I started running again. I lifted weights, did laps in the pool. I started loving myself again.

Eventually, I needed to start buying new clothes and shoes.

From XXL, I'm now down to medium. I'm one size away from being able to fit in that little black dress that's been hanging in the closet for far too long.

More than better-fitting clothes and looking better every day, it's the thought that I am leading a healthier lifestyle that is now driving me to achieve my weight loss goal.

I have renewed enthusiasm at work and have more energy to enjoy playtime with my daughter. There is no more bleeding, no more losing my cool.

Everything its falling right back into place.

I am still in the process of getting back to my pre-pregnancy weight but I know I will get there.

To those who are struggling with their weight loss journey, don't despair. I have tried and failed so many times, enough to give up altogether. But I would start all over again.

Find what motivates you to get back in shape, be it wearing smaller-sized clothes, getting noticed by your crush for the first time, or just simply living healthier. Look deep into your heart.

When you finally get things going, trust the process and enjoy the journey of self-love. In no time, you will be able to fit in your old washed denim jeans.

When I started loving myself again, the more love I was able to give back to people around me.

So will you.

Start the process now. I am with you. — LA, GMA News

Bernadette Reyes is a Senior Correspondent and Anchor at GMA Network. Follow her weight loss journey on her Youtube channel, and IG account