Ten years after ‘Out!’, hosts talk about impact of groundbreaking LGBT show

Avi: I thought the impact of the TV show was after it was gone. People would come up to me and say, "What you guys did was great, coming out on national TV.” ‘Yung impact na ginawa namin sa lives nila is actually overwhelming. It's something that I really love with the show. Mas na-feel ko ‘yung impact ng show after na. When the show was airing kasi, we were shooting and shooting at hindi namin nafe-feel ‘yung, "Ano ba 'tong ginagawa namin?" I didn't see how big it was. And we were receiving hundreds of messages on Friendster everyday. I didn't really know it was actually that huge.

JM: Sa akin naman, napakalaki talaga ng privilege na mag-out on national TV. Kumbaga, hindi lahat ng tao nabibigyan ng chance na mainspire ‘yung iba pang gays and lesbians. Pero ‘yung sinasabi ni Abby na nararamdaman niya ‘yung effect after naming umere, totoo din yun. Kasi nung nawala, I think saka siya lalo may impact sa iba.  Namimiss nila kasi they watch every episode.  Sa akin naman, ‘yung pag-out ko, naging madali kasi alam na ng lahat ng tao, isang pag-out lang. Tapos na-inspire ‘yung lahat ng tao na up to this day, may mga nagsusulat pa rin. Sa Facebook, may mga fans pa rin. Dahil sa "Out" na-inspire din sila na maging totoo sa sarili nila. ‘Yung pag-out ko sa "Out" is one of the best decisions that I made in my life.

Jigs: Even back then, social media was Friendster. It had an impact on people online because they remain anonymous. Hindi sila nagpapa-interview sa TV pero they were able to talk about it and discuss about it online like Pinoy Exchange, Friendster, etc. which are less sophisticated versions the way social media is right now. Mas nadi-discuss siya nung mga time na yun kasi nga in the internet you can remain anonymous.

How did you become hosts of "Out"? 

JM: We were not the original hosts of "Out" kasi ‘yung original host nag-back out siya last minute dahil hindi gusto ng family.

Jigs: I was invited by Melo for the show. Si Melo, kilala ko na siya from "Growing Up," he got my number from circle of friends. Ang thinking ko nung time na yun parang "ano ba tong show na to?" Kasi nung 2004, wala pa tayong show like "Will and Grace," "My Husband's Lover." Kumbaga ang mga bakla nun sa TV, pinagtatawanan. Ang iniisip ko nun, di ako sigurado na pumasok ako sa audition kasi baka ganun ‘yung format ng show. Pero nang makausap ko si Melo, he assured me na it's a groundbreaking show so I was ecstatic when he asked me to audition. I really want to be a part of this show to the point nga na we needed to have a workshop for the producers to know certain terms about the LGBT community in terms of politics so we invited Jonas Bagas. Kasi nga nung time na yun, lahat ng tao nangangapa pa kung paano iaadress ‘yung issue.

Avi: I was the last person to audition. It was more of a challenge for me when the hosts will come out nationwide. Alam mo naman ako, hindi ako mapipigilan. Gusto ko ‘yung mga experiences na challenging or provoking, so when I found out that we're supposed to do that, so nag-audition ako.

How did it feel that you were supposed to come out as hosts of the show?

JM: Sa akin naman, ang uncomfortable dun, nung sinabing mag-out ka sa family. Nakakatakot na ngang mag-out on TV, isali ko pa ang family ko sa gagawin ko at nahihiya ako sa kanila. Pero kung hindi ko gagawin, paano natin maeexpect ang iba na gawin din yun?  Kailangan kami ‘yung mauna para maging inspiration sa iba.

How did your family and friends react sa pag-out ninyo?

Jigs: My parents did not talk to me probably the entire time. This is another reason why one of the original hosts left because his parents didn't want him to become part of the show. I felt sad because I was actually going through the same battle with my parents, pero iniisip ko kung hindi ngayon, kelan natin gagawin ‘yung show na ito? Meron akong opportunity to talk about these issues to a huge audience. Kung palalampasin ko ‘yung chance na to,  kelan pa? Although it aired for one season, malaki ‘yung impact niya. Sabi ko nga, ginagawa ko to kasi in the long run, mas naiintindihan siya ng pamilya ko kung gagawin ko to. Baka ten years later, matatanggap din ako ng pamilya ko...I was already out to my parents. My dad is in the military. My father didn't completely agree with me and understand kung bakit pag-usapan pa. Tanggap niya daw ako pero hindi niya maintindihan kung bakit pa pag-usapan ang mga bagay na ito sa telebisyon. Pero sarili kong battle ito e. Kumbaga kung may issues ang militar na kailangang pag-usapan, ako meron ding sariling battle sa sarili ko na kailangan kong pag-usapan.

Jigs (On JM being out): Because of the way he came out to his sister, I remember nung panahon na yun, JM was really the heart of the show. Maraming mga bagets noon na nagtatago pa, nanonood ng "Out" noon. What JM did was really great. Not everyone can do what JM did.

Avi: Nung nakita ko ‘yung pag-out ni JM, that's when I felt, "My God, ano 'tong pinasok ko?" It was so dramatic. Inisip ko  na how many people are going through the same experience not being able to come out to your family. Ganun pala katindi ‘yung issue of not being out. Napaka-heartbreaking talaga.

JM: ‘Yung nangyari na nag-out ako sa sister ko, marami ang nakaka-relate dyan. Hindi lang pinag-usapan sa bahay, hindi lang kino-confront ng mga kasama nyo sa pamilya, pero alam nila e. Huwag nating i-underestimate din ‘yung nararamdaman ng pamilya natin; Huwag natin isipin na hindi nila tayo tatanggapin kaya hindi tayo naga-out sa kanila. Malaking issue na hindi nila tayo matatanggap kasi tayo lang naman ang hinhintay na magsabi ng totoo.

Jigs: Actually, ‘yung mom ko, bago ako nag-out, kahit hindi pa niya ako tinatanong kung bakla ako, hindi pa ako ready. Hindi ko pa alam. I was attracted to guys pero hindi ko pa tanggap sa sarili ko. Being the woman that she is, she really wanted to find out whether I was gay or not. Nung nag-out ako sa nanay ko, she cried. Dinala niya ako sa loob ng simbahan at sinabi ko sa kanya.

Avi: I was very lucky kasi full support talaga sila. Lahat ng gusto kong gawin full support sila lagi.  Not just with the show but with everything I do.

As hosts of "Out", were you also involved in putting together the stories?
 
JM: Masarap gawin ‘yung mga story sa "Out" kasi yun ‘yung kauna-unahan at kahuli-hulihang gay and lesbian magazine show. So, ‘yung ibang mga topics na hindi nafefeature sa ibang programa, na-feature namin. Masaya dahil hindi nabibigyan ng ganung airtime ‘yung mga ganong klaseng istorya.

Jigs: ‘Yung mga time na yun, we discussed LGBTs in the workplace, gay friendly establishments, etc. We wanted to embrace the whole umbrella of the LGBT community. We also joined the brainstorming every week.

JM: Kami ni Jigs we also produced ng sarili naming sgments. And sa part ko, medyo significant ‘yung assignments namin kasi sinasamahan namin ‘yung case studies na mag-out sa pamilya nila.  Kasi parang nanggaling na kami dyan so kinakabahan kami para sa case study. Meron akong segment nun na nag-out ‘yung guy sa nanay niya, na parang okay na. Pero later na-realize niya na parang hindi pa rin niya matanggap so bumalik pa kami for another shoot para makausap ng psychologist. Kumplikado din siya.

Jigs: Saka nung mga panahon na yun, ang mga researchers namin, hirap na hirap sa paghahanap ng mga case study. It was so difficult to find people who would come out on the show.

What was your favorite “Out” episode?

Avi: ‘Yung favorite ko, when I went around the gay bars in Malate. That was fun for me. Of course when we had to come out. That was really something.

Jigs: My favorite story, ‘yung gay-friendly establishments kasi it was something I really enjoyed.

JM: Yung pinakagusto kong story na ginawa ko sa "Out" is yung pag-feature ng mga gay breadwinners.  Kasi ito yung mga bading na malaki ang naitutulong sa pamilya nila. At makikita mo rin kung gaano ka mapagmahal ang mga bading sa pamilya nila.

How's life after “Out”?

Jigs: I'm still working in the entertainment industry pero behind the scenes, as a make-up artist. I still work with celebrities, but as a person who tries to make them look good. The advocacy is still there,  but it's kind of  mellowed down compared to “Out.” But like I say nga to people, ‘yung advocacy ko is to be myself kasi I'm openly gay and not a lot of people can do that. To be an advocate marami siyang kaakibat na mga responsibilidad. One of the things that “Out" taught me is to be able to interact with a lot of people.  Being part of “Out” made me more sociable, more confident.

Avi: Well, I'm a self-proclaimed empress now. Before “Out” I've always been an entrepreneur and my dream was to be wealthy. Before modelling, I put up a bar, and then nangyari ‘yung Out nung 2004.  Before I built my company now, I was engaged. This was a year after Out. It was one of the big part why I'm building this empire because unfortunately I got into an abusive relationship and I learned a lot from that relationship. When I came out, it was empowering, then when I got into that relationship parang nawala ako. So when I came back to the Philippines, I have to build my empire. I have to build myself again. Through entrepreneurship, this is how I'd get myself back. I was just learning a lot along the way. I didn't go to a business school. I know I had to do these things para matuto ako.

JM: From "Out," napunta ako sa iba't ibang programa. Mula segment producer naging executive producer,  assistant program manager to program manager. Now, since 2010, I've been a senior program manager and right now I'm handling programs na umeere sa GMA News TV. Happy naman ako, ten years na nagtatrabaho ako sa broadcast media. Masaya maging program manager kasi kayo ‘yung nag-iisip ng mga programang ipapalabas. You work with creative people. You work with production people. Ikaw ‘yung leader para mapabilis ‘yung programang ihahandog niyo sa mga manonood. — Elsed Togonon/CM, GMA News

Celebrate LGBT Pride Month with the documentary “Out & Proud,” airing Sunday, June 22, 2014, 11:15 p.m. on GMA-7.