‘Patapon Remastered’ is foot-tapping, rhythmic fun

When “Patapon” was released in 2007, it was exactly what the PlayStation Portable needed: a game born of a truly fresh idea, and oozing so much charm it was easy to forget its premise basically centers on butchering countless innocent creatures and wiping out entire enemy armies.

“Patapon” is so weird that it transcends time. So yes, it’s as fun and interesting today as it was a decade ago—only now, you can play it on the PlayStation 4 thanks to its remastered iteration for the console.

Your chosen people

“Patapon” is a rhythm and strategy game. It tasks you, an almighty deity, with leading your chosen people—the adorable Patapons—to the promised land of Earthend.

Of course, the journey to the land of milk and honey is fraught with peril, otherwise we wouldn’t have a game. Obstructing the path forward are scorching deserts, the evil Zigoton Empire, and hunger. Yes, hunger; the Patapons need to eat to grow their tribe. This necessitates hunting excursions, which often culminate in ferocious battles with ravenous behemoths.

So what do you, as a god, have to do to ensure your tribe’s survival and success? Well, you just have to bang those drums.

Sacred war drums, to be precise. By pressing the PlayStation 4 controller’s face buttons in specific sequences, you give direct commands to your Patapon warriors. For example, by tapping square, square, square, circle—which corresponds to banging the Pata, Pata, Pata, Pon drums—you order your troops to march forward. You can also instruct them to attack and defend themselves. Most interesting of all, you can use your divine powers to bestow upon your people amazing miracles.

It isn’t as simple as it sounds. You have to bang those drums in sync with a ceaseless and catchy four-beat rhythm, and only then will your warriors use up a full measure to do as commanded. Mess up your timing or button presses, and your warriors become so confused they waste an entire turn tripping over themselves.

It gets trickier when you’re fighting tough opponents. You need to know exactly when to issue specific commands; for instance, if you order your soldiers to attack when a dragon is about to breathe fire, then they end up cooked to a crisp. Because an enemy will always give away its next move through its behavior, observation is crucial to victory.

Another skill you’ll have to learn is changing tactics on the fly to meet the demands of the situation—which is easier said than done, especially because battles often descend into utter chaos. If you’re not fluid with your drumming or are easily overwhelmed by dozens of things happening onscreen simultaneously, you could end up ruining the rhythm and throwing your fighters into disarray.

Keeping the beat going as long as you can eventually causes your soldiers to enter Fever mode, which enhances their offensive and defensive capabilities. You can stay in this mode provided your timing is extra precise. If you’re out of rhythm even an iota, your units lose their bloodlust and thus their performance boost.

Miracles effect profound changes on the environment. For instance, in an early mission, your Patapons have to journey across a desert. The only way to survive the burning heat? Why, stretch those godly powers to make it rain! During hunts, rain can also dampen some animals’ senses, allowing you to sneak up on them for easier kills.

Patapons prettified

Long story short, “Patapon Remastered” looks fantastic. When it comes to the graphics, the game has received the upgrades necessary to make it look great on a bigger screen. You won’t find any aliasing even on a 4k- resolution TV. The colors are vibrant, the animations are slick, and the Patapons are cuter than ever.

But the graphics don’t simply exist to look pretty; if you’re observant, you’ll notice background objects that you can interact with if you beat on the right drums. This can yield a variety of rewards, such as a new miracle. Even the direction of the wind can be used to your advantage; if you see the currents blowing towards the enemy, that means your Patapons’ spears and arrows can travel farther.

Defeated enemies drop weapons and armor your warriors can equip. Victory also awards you with money and loot, both of which you need to create new units. Specific item combinations can even give rise to unusual and unique types of warriors. Experimenting with all the different possible combinations is a lot of fun. As some items are extremely rare, however, it helps to plan ahead.

Sadly, it appears the cut scenes didn’t receive the same type of lovin’, because they come off rather blurry and pixelated. Not a very good look.

The audio is generally excellent, although some sounds are buried under the much louder noises of battle. This can be a problem when said sounds serve as the cues necessary to maintain your the rhythm. Thankfully, they're often accompanied by visual prompts, so what you can't hear, you can at least see.

Perhaps the biggest flaw I’ve encountered in the remaster is the input lag, which can prove disastrous in a game that revolves around exact timing. To be honest, I’m not entirely sure if the problem is the game itself, or my reaction time, which is likely slower now than it was in 2008. Whatever the case may be, you can always train yourself to anticipate the beat, and press those buttons just a fraction of a second earlier to circumvent the lag issue.

Lastly, I’m left wondering why “Patapon Remastered” wasn’t released as a bundle comprised of the original game and its superior sequels in the vein of “Crash Bandicoot N. Sane Trilogy.” It would’ve been awesome to have access to all three games in a single package. But it looks like we’ll have to wait for the eventual remasters of those other titles.

What ain’t broke

“Patapon” has changed exceedingly little between now and 2007, but that’s really more of a good thing, really. You know what they say: don’t fix what ain't broke, and this foot-tapping musical treat of a game has never had a problem being any less than good, clean fun. For these reasons, “Patapon Remastered” is well worth your time, whether you’re new to the franchise, or a longtime fan looking for nostalgic bliss.

Rating: 8.5/10
Platform: PlayStation 4

— BM, GMA News