Drinking on the job

No profession is more affiliated with alcohol consumption than journalism. Around the world, at least once weekly, hard-hitting, news-addicted reporters take a swig or two with their colleagues, swapping gossip, double-checking sources, exchanging possible leads. But these rituals of journalistic one-upmanship are child’s play compared to what I — a pseudo-deadline-beater — did a month ago. That being said, covering the bacchanalia that is the Oktoberfest is still dirty work. But, hey, somebody’s got to do it. Tough assignment A day before Ondoy submerged three-fourths of Metro Manila, I attended San Miguel Beer Inc.’s (SMBI) Oktoberfest launch, an event that featured free beer and fantastic babes.

My demanding editors assigned me to the event, unaware that I would grapple with moral and journalistic dilemmas never before encountered ever since I ate a third serving of osso bucco during a briefing a few months back. Sure enough, upon arriving, my hosts asked me a question that blurred the line between reporter and subject, witness and participant, observer and — uhm — observations. They asked me for the kind of beer I preferred — pale pilsen, light, draft, or their special Oktoberfest brew. I paused significantly, massaged my chin with my fingers, and tried to show the impassive, neutral, and completely objective posture of someone who practiced journalism seriously. “Do I have to pay for it?” I asked, adding that under no circumstances was I ever going to abuse their hospitality. If I did, it would mean a memo from our HR officer, known for producing official documents faster than you can say, “Deviation!” When I got the assurance that I was their guest, I ordered a succession of three light beers — one for me, myself, and I. It was more than enough to last me for the night. After all, this year’s Oktoberfest uncovered a whole lot of subjects that were vested with public interest and therefore were of great value to scribblers such as myself. Why, for instance, were there so many good-looking, shapely Brazilian women at the launch? Where did they stay while in Manila? And most importantly, what are their cellphone numbers? Sadly, these questions remain unanswered. I was already too overwhelmed by my coverage, which consisted of drinking free beer while on the job. Moreover, the whole night had another setback. The hard, backbreaking overtime work I rendered would remain unpaid. But then again, who’s complaining? Eye candy overload No one ever lost money selling a good idea. But then again, a good idea means different things to different people. For the average Filipino male, a whole set of good ideas — in fact, the very definition of a good life itself — is based on the availability of cold beer and encounters with hot women, the closer and more intimate, the better. This probably explains why, to this day, San Miguel Brewery Inc. (SMBI) — San Miguel Corp.’s beer subsidiary — continues to organize Oktoberfest. Besides allowing it to sell more of its flagship product, the event also celebrates camaraderie and friendship, among the most cherished Filipino values, along with bayanihan and tax evasion. To this end, the company set aside anywhere from one to two million pesos, perhaps even more, for the event’s launch, hoping to boost product sales and earnings further. These funds will prove to be well-spent. With Christmas just around the corner, money allotted for promotions without a doubt will bring in billions more in profit, which already rose four percent to P4.862 during January to June this year compared to the same period last year. Not bad for a company whose parent, San Miguel Corp., is twenty-four percent owned by coconut farmers. But that’s another story. Hours before the launch, organizers took over the Coyiuto parking lot along San Miguel Avenue — just across the company’s headquarters — and covered the premises with one huge white tent, useful in keeping out the rain and keeping in the cold air from the air-conditioning. Inside, booths sold every kind of dish that could be served both as individual meals and as pulutan — pizza, chicken, and yes, tokneneng (deep friend hardboiled eggs covered in flour) — you name it, they had it. Interspersed between these concessions were various forms of entertainment usually found in a fair — a kissing booth, a circus hammer bell ringer, and a stall for fans who wanted to have their pictures taken alongside San Miguel Beer basketball players and celebrities such as Michael V., one of the event’s hosts. Unfortunately, these offerings failed to see any considerable action, much like the volunteers of the Bayani Fernando for President movement. The audience — mainly young males — was preoccupied with drinking beer and gawking at dozens of pretty women found offstage and on. On the floor, waitresses wore cowboy-themed outfits. Not only did they have Stetson hats on, they also wore denim skirts or shorts cut a foot or so above the knee, displaying their lower body advantages. Sharing their space on the floor were the so-called Octobabes — a dozen or so tall and lovely Brazilians wearing red and white cheerleaders’ uniforms. Although quiet — perhaps due to the language barrier more than anything else — they were a fantastic bunch, always gracious to have their pictures taken with anyone who looks halfway decent enough to keep their hands to themselves. Onstage, a group of young women competed for the audience’s attention. Known as the Poi Dancers, the females wore what looked like filmy nightgowns that deliberately emphasized their curves. In short, the whole night was marked with an oversupply of eye candy. Healthy, supple female skin up for display was enough to fill a decade’s worth of FHM issues. Everywhere you looked, a pretty face, a set of spectacular thighs, or delicious cleavage blocked your view. These sights — rarely seen outside the Playboy Mansion and certain establishments in Metro Manila — caused males to break out into cold sweat. They took long pulls on their beers, trying their best to ward off nervous tics. On top of the fact that alcohol, if consumed in just the right amounts, enhances conversation, especially with attractive members of the opposite sex with whom they wanted to have some action. Dirty dancing By ten in the evening, the males in attendance had another reason to reach for their favorite alcoholic beverage. They presumably needed to cool off after the Mocha Girls, the Philippines’ hottest girl group, raised temperatures once more. Once onstage, they shook their booties in a series of numbers that would have given porn stars a run for their money. One Mocha Girl performed a split and proceeded to assume various positions, thrusting her pelvis in a way that showed that her other talents were best seen — and perhaps even experienced first hand — in a more intimate setting. But the torrid numbers didn’t end there. The group was paired off with male audience members in a risqué game led off by Mocha Uson, the group’s head. Wearing nothing but black hot pants and a matching top, Mocha opened her legs wide, climbed on top of her partner — a lucky fellow by the name of Dennis — and sat on his lap. Instantly, the crowd fell silent. All forms of activity — gawking, flirting, drinking, burping, keeping trembling hands off the Brazilians — were reduced to the bare minimum, thanks to the action onstage. The atmosphere was ripe for a scandal, the kind that was featured on websites that kept men and their equipment up all night. With digital and video cameras trained on the pair, Mocha then pressed forward, giving instructions to the lucky bastard. She wanted him to plant a wet one right on her kisser and portions of her upper body advantages, large parts of which were exposed. But for some reason, Dennis refused, to the crowd’s chagrin. He said something about his girlfriend being stricter than his parents. However, that didn’t stop the fun. Michael V. facilitated games involving helmet-wearing contestants who tried to pop the most number of balloons with their boxing gloves while jumping on a trampoline. Continuous balloon-popping action helped the audience sublimate their emotions, which were heightened by the previous activity. Fortunately, by that time, they had already consumed enough beer to let their hair down, satisfied that despite the global crisis — which cut Philippine exports and Filipinos’ jobs abroad — everything was going to be alright. All these, thanks to a company which continues to make a product that always does the country proud.