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I have online dating to thank for all my firsts
[Ed's note: #TinderTales is a weekly column that attempts to look at online dating. This week's tale has our Tinderella making up for lost time. Have a story to share? Email us at submissions@gmanews.tv]
Firsts can be exciting, embarrassing, hilarious, nauseating, or even, against all odds, exceptionally good. When you put it in the context of online dating in 2017, with all the expectations, surprises, and increasing lack of basic human decency, things can become even more of a clusterf*ck.
I just turned 29 years old, and I spent a big chunk of my 28th year on earth swiping right and meeting men through Tinder, OkCupid, and Happn.
Before turning 28, I had never been kissed and had only been on one date as a taxpaying adult.
Don’t get be wrong: I had four very chaste “relationships” in my first three years of high school, and I thought I used up my dating credits back then. It’s not that I was saving myself or actively avoiding men.
There just never seemed to be any opportunities — until online dating suddenly became cool and sexy and not just where creepy old men went shopping for Asian brides.
I was #thirsty for experiences, stories of my own, and deep, possibly life-changing connections. You could say I was making up for lost time, and boy, did those dating apps come through.
The first online date
After a couple of cancelled Tinder dates, I finally went on a date with a Filipino guy from OkCupid. It was my first date with someone from a dating app, and I was a bundle of nerves. He was about half an hour late because, according to him, the traffic came to a standstill and he had to walk five blocks. He arrived a not-so hot mess, thanks to the summer heat.
As the night went on, the conversation became more stilted, which I thought was only natural for two people who were just starting to get to know each other. He helped out with the family business, stayed home most of the time, and used to have a lot of writer friends.
We didn’t have a lot in common, but as a writer, I’ve made a living out of getting people to talk about themselves. As a perennial people pleaser however, I was completely unaware that he was playing me; in between compliments, he was actually low-key insulting me.
I did a post-mortem of the date with a friend who pointed the fact out: For every “You’re so nice and funny,” he would say something like, “You laugh too much.” That was just the tip of the iceberg.
When I got back from the restroom, I found him asleep in our diner booth. “Are you for real right now?” I exasperatedly asked him, and he woke up only to ask for five more minutes. I assumed he was exhausted from his long walk earlier.
But after naptime was over — yep, all the waiters were staring at us — he admitted that he took a few puffs of weed right before the date. Why? Because he’s a stoner, he said. Why didn’t I leave while he was sleeping? For the story, I later realized.
I never saw him again, though his weed-addled mind thought the date went so well that he was still insisting on meeting again a full month after I told him all the reasons why there will never be a second date.
My first kiss
How can a girl who’s had four “relationships” in high school never been kissed? It’s a curious mix of missed opportunities, an overprotective mom who worked in the same school, and a feeling of just not being into it (hence the quotation marks).
Luckily for 28-year-old me, my first kiss finally happened via a heady mix of flowing banter, good wine, and a guy who’s got game.
A Tinder match, H was the founder of an educational website and reminded me in so many ways of my favorite comedian, Aziz Ansari. His sharp wit and well-timed puns would make Aziz proud.
The hours flew by, and he smoothly took things back to his place by saying he had a wine book he wanted to show me. I got straight to the point and said I’d never done anything like that. He just smiled.
When we got to his place, I asked about the wine book, and of course, the book didn’t even exist. We spent about an hour trading playlists—he could sense that I was game but needed to be eased into it. In the middle of “Under Blankets” (one of the sexiest sexy time songs ever), he kissed me.
His lips were soft and full, and it felt good. After a while, I pulled back and said it was my first makeout session so he had to teach me. He was into it — I think it appealed to the educator in him.
That night was a lot of fun, and I hoped that we would have more “classes” during his few weeks in Manila. But as we were making plans for our third date, he was called back to his office on the other side of the world. We added each other on Instagram before he left. Now, my only proof that he was even real are the landscape photos he posts from time to time.
The first f*ck
Things escalated very quickly after H. You could say he triggered my ~sexual awakening~ which led me to roads I would never go down again (there was one guy who refused to return the favor because he was “too tired”) and roads worthy of multiple return trips.
I matched with K on Tinder about a month after H left. He was a professional poker player, fit AF, and of American, Pakistani, and Dominican descent. During dinner, I asked if he had any family here. His response? “Actually, I’m married.”
Before I could storm out, he clarified that he and his wife (!) had an open marriage; they were free to see other people anytime, even if they were in the same city. In fact, his wife had a long-term boyfriend back in the US, which was their home base at the time.
The conversation didn’t flow as much as it did with H, but it was good and fun and what I was looking for at the time. As we walked back to his place, he held my hand, and I could feel his wedding band between my fingers. It was so strange, like an out-of-body experience, like something that only happened in movies or to other people.
I didn’t go on that date thinking I’d have sex for the first time, but that’s how the night unfolded. I told him I was a virgin, and to his credit, he took his time with me. A LOT of time — after three hours of foreplay, we decided to try again in the morning.
He finished in less than five minutes. I didn’t, to no one’s surprise, but I really had to give it to him for being such a trooper all night long and putting my well-being above all else.
He had to fly out the week after to spend Valentine’s Day with his wife (!) in the US. When we met the night before his flight, he surprised me with a red rose and chocolates — the fruit and nut variety which I detested and which spoke volumes about how new and casual our thing was. But it was still a really sweet gesture. I still have a few petals from that rose tucked in a book somewhere. — LA, GMA News
*not her real name
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