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That time I learned about 'open relationships' and realized I wasn't interested in them
[Ed's note: #TinderTales is a weekly column that attempts to look at online dating. This week, our Tinderella learns about the existence of open relationships! Have a story to share? Email us at submissions@gmanews.tv]
“Are you sure I can’t change your mind to come up to my room,” Rafael asked. We had just finished dinner and I was dropping him off at his hotel.
He’s a handsome Polish guy who was in Manila for an audit assignment and I really don't know why I agreed to go on a date with him. It's easy to blame the fact that I was PMS-ing for this questionable decision.
He’s in a semi-open relationship, you see. “My girlfriend and I can date other people when we are out of the country,” he answered when I asked him why he was on Tinder.
It’s no secret that there are a lot of characters on Tinder. People who pretend to be someone else, people who are widely and sexually adventurous, people trying to sell you something — they’re all there.
To avoid unsavory people — like Rafael, if I may add — I’ve made it a habit to ask questions within the first three minutes of exchanging messages. I ask the hard questions first: “Have you been married?” “Are you divorced?” “Do you have kids?” “What are you looking for?”
It doesn’t just save time (and data), but asking questions assures me that I am not hurting anybody inadvertently. When a man tells me he is married, I tell him I am not interested.
I may be on these dating apps, but I have never dreamed of being the other woman, the home wrecker, or the one who throws her principles out of the window for an easy f***.
I don’t know why I didn’t unmatch with Rafael when he admitted he was in a relationship, albeit an open one. Perhaps because I was equal parts intrigued, stunned—I remember my eyes feeling like they were about to pop out of my skull while I stared at my phone—and sorry that I couldn’t have a taste of this handsome Polish man. He was tall, his body was fit, and his blue eyes piercing.
Why are open relationships even a thing—are they even a thing to begin with? I had to find out! And so I inquired some more. I learned that as a couple, they allowed themselves to sleep with people while they are away on business trips. She travels about three to four times a year, he about once or twice.
While explaining all this, Rafael managed to tell me how to I truly am his type. “I’d like to take the memory of you back home with me,” he passes off a line.
“You mean sex, right?”
“But of course! I fancy you.”
I didn’t know if I was flattered, grossed out or if I felt challenged: How could I pass off this lovely looking piece of meat just because my principles told me guys like him were off limits?
Perhaps that’s why I didn’t unmatch with him pronto; a development that had him messaging me the next day.
I woke up to a thoughtful "how are you" from him the following morning, and to a careful conversation about regretting boring Tinder dates of the past.
“Dinner and wine is always nice, but good conversation really turns me on. You seem very intelligent and I still hope I can take you to dinner and drinks,” he was persistent.
Perhaps it was knowing that his girlfriend was agreeable to this whole open relationship thing that I agreed to meet him. Besides, who doesn’t want a free meal?
I ordered a salad, an expensive place of steak, and dessert. He chose the red wine and it went excellently with the meat I allowed myself to have. It could’ve been a good date–he was very interesting to add to his being very handsome–but I was too well-aware of being in a situation that left a bad taste in my mouth.
Sure I was on Tinder to experience the full glory of single life, but I wasn’t going to start dating men who were committed–even if they were semi-open relationships, whatever the hell that means.
I offered to drive him back to his hotel. “Are you sure I can’t change your mind to come up to my room,” he tried one more time.
I flashed my sweetest smile: “My answer will not change, sorry.” I drove off, pretty pleased with myself, confident that the gods of love were pleased with me too. — LA, GMA News
