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Everything I needed to know about dating, relationships, and men, I learned on Tinder
[Ed's note: #TinderTales is a weekly column that attempts to look at online dating. This week, our Tinderella tells us how she mastered the dating game through Tinder. Have a story to share? Email us at submissions@gmanews.tv]
I grew up in a traditional Filipino family and went to an exclusive all-girls Catholic school. It was programmed in my mind that after finishing university, the next step in life would be to find a husband, and settle down asap.
I had my first boyfriend after college. We were together for 7 years. Like every Maria Clara, I told him to wait until marriage before having sex. He loved me and because he had no choice in the matter, he was willing to wait for me.
Unfortunately, I wasn't willing to wait for him.
On our seventh year anniversary, I broke up with him. I loved him very much and he was my best friend, but it felt like I was waiting for my life to begin and my would-be partner was not moving fast enough for me.
I realized I would rather risk everything and leave him than stay stagnant and feel like I was waiting for mangoes to fall from a tree.
I was devastated, depressed, needy and so unsure of myself. It felt like I single-handedly ruined my future.
“What now?” I wondered, pondered and cried.
I changed careers, found a well-paying job, my family and friends called me successful. I was ready for the next phase of life. I made a conscious effort to mingle and socialize. I went to clubs and partied. I went on blind dates and put myself out there.
I had a frequent momol partner whom I thought was only dating and kissing me but it turned out he was dating and kissing with practically all the single girls in Manila. Ugh.
I met someone who liked to give me expensive things and take me on spontaneous road trips. Then I found out, he was only using his wealth to take me to bed. Douche.
I realized I was a virgin in more ways than one, and the players had their game on with me eating out of their hands. That’s when I knew I had to change the way I looked at dating — or played the game.
I never would have imagined that a dating app like Tinder could open my mind about dating, relationships and settling down, but well, look where we're at.
One thing Tinder taught me: Maraming bolero wherever you are in the world. They give compliments, which will flatter every single girl out there. It’s nice to hear but I’ve learned to be careful; not just because (maybe) they’re trying to get me to bed, but because it weakens my logic. I think, too easily, that he's The One. The only one who can see the real me and make me happy.
I matched with Miguel in Madrid. We went to dinner and then drinks and then he took me to a salsa bar to go dancing. He gave me a passionate kiss and told me this:
“I am mesmerized by your beauty; the way you speak and carry yourself, the way you smell and the way you look. You’re so exotic. It’s like I’m in the presence of royalty!”
My jaw dropped, and I laughed out loud. What a line. Sure, it felt great to hear it, but it wasn’t a reason for me to get naked and have multiple orgasms that night.
I've learned to appreciate the players. They are there for a reason: to make me enjoy the thrill and seize the moment. Having held on to virginity for so long, it’s quite obvious what a stiff I can be, and on Tinder, I've learned that some moments need to be lived with full abandon.
Paul was irresistibly handsome and charming, a jovial romantic; sexy as hell and a great kisser. Our second date happened nine months after the first, which resulted in mind-blowing sex.
Perhaps the careful planning contributed to the level of intensity: I was in Singapore for overnight, and so was he. He came in from Sydney and went straight to my hotel. The next day he was on a flight to Malaysia for another work assignment and I was off to Manila.
“That would be our unique window!” he said in our text exchanges. I hoped more windows would open and that we would continue seeing each other but he’s always on the go and I’d be stupid to think that a guy that good in bed is a one-woman man, or that I'll be able to get him to settle down.
In my Tinder career, I've learned to not force it. If he's not into you, he's not into you. If you're not into him, you're not into him! I agreed to a date with Bernard while getting over Paul. He was attractive, he was decent, but it didn’t spark. I forced myself to go on a second date with him for the same reasons as the first date and it was more of the same. Don't force it.
All these things I have experienced since I decided to go against the Filipino norm. It's given me a better understanding not only of myself, but of what it means to be human.
It is my belief that people will always have their best foot forward and hope to find someone they can share themselves with; in whatever shape or form. Men and women are the same. Even if we get disappointed and our hearts get broken, we can dust it all off and try again.
We are programmed to live, learn and strive to do better. I used to think I was like Maria Clara who needed a man to feel fulfilled. Now I know it is better to make myself happy and hope to meet a gentleman that has done the same for himself. — LA/KVD, GMA News
